Addiction Recovery :: Day One - Suboxone
Aug 7, 2014
So I made the big plunge yesterday and went through with something I'd been tossing around in my head the last couple months. I went to a clinic and got a prescription for Suboxone.
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Since I'm a school teacher, one of my biggest worries was actually walking into a Suboxone clinic and someone recognizing me. It would come as quite a shock to some (in my mind) to see Mr. B____, the local English teacher, lined up to get a prescription for his opiate addiction. Just goes to show that addiction doesn't pick and choose whom it affects. But I overcame my ridiculous fears and went on in today.
There are actually two clinics in the small city where I live (at least nearby). One clinic as open on Saturday, looked to be a nicer looking facility, but they don't take insurance. It would have cost $500 for the first visit, without even considering the cost of the drug itself. So I went with other clinic that did take my insurance, and I was only out 35 dollars (My prescription copay was to be $40 for the name brand strips, but the clinic gave me a discount card that took care of my copay, which was a pleasant surprise...this wasn't a one time deal...it will cover my copay each time I get the med). Being a teacher with a wife and three kids...every dollar helps for me. For those interested, the card will help those who are either pay in cash or use have insurance other than Medicare. The card pays up to $50.
The clinic is only open two hours (two days a week), so I was a little curious how they handled so many patients in so little time. The answer came to me as I was shuffled through the clinic cattle at a sale barn. Though there was a thick stack of papers to sign, some of which asked detailed questions about my addiction and health history, I got the feeling I was getting a product wrapped up and sold for the masses, not for me as an individual. It is sad for me to think of those who don't have the ability to educate themselves on what it is they are taking. Even I, after months of research on the internet, am still confused on quite a few contradictory opinions and ideals regarding Suboxone.
The clinic is located in a less than desirable part of town, and the waiting room did not exactly make one feel comfortable. It was hot, and everyone in there looked pretty miserable. I was comforted, though, by the fact that there were no familiar faces. It also gave me comfort knowing that we were all there for the same reason, and none of us had anything to hide. I could go into more detail about this experience, but I have jabbered too much already.
Long story short, I peed in a cup, the results of which I was not told. I knew coming into the clinic that there was no dispensing medication at the clinic, so there was no worry for me to stay clean for 24-48 hours. I took 40mg of hydrocodone at 7:00 the night before, so I wasn't completely miserable at the time of the appointment.
Strangely, my vitals or any other normal "clinic" methods were practiced. I went straight from peeing in a cup to talking to the doctor who was sitting behind this big beaten up wooden desk in a stale smelling office. The doctor thumbed through my file and asked basic questions about how much I was using and where I was getting it. I was in and out of his office in less than 5 minutes.
I didn't lie about my drug use, and I was prepared to share much more. I pretty much told him that I got hooked on opiate painkillers after multiple operations that required them. Also, I have had two DVT blood clots that required me to be on blood thinners, and thus not able to take most standard OTC painkillers such as naproxen or ibuprofen. I had been fed hydrocodone for years with few questions asked. My problem is that I like the way they make me feel and have spent the past ten years trying to get my hands on enough to manage my pain and feed my addiction.
I believe it us by the grace of God that I have not found myself in a worse predicament than I currently find myself. I have never injected anything, but I suppose that would have been the next stop for me. I had been doctor and pharmacy shopping for years and I knew how to work the system pretty well. Even in my heyday though I wasn't able to get my hands on quite enough. I was always counting pills and worrying about when I would run out. I soon found myself "borrowing" from my mother and other friends. I found myself doing things I never imagined I'd be doing. Shameful things to feed my habit. My wife discovered my problem years ago as and threatened to leave me more than once. To lose her and my children would have devastated me. One would think that I would turn my back on the pills considering all I had to lose. But that was not enough to stop me. I guess if my wife didn't love me (a lot) she would have left me tears ago.
I was fine while on my hydros,though, but when I ran out and became sick from withdrawals, I was miserable. I felt miserable , and I was miserable to be around. I made and broke more promises than I can count to my wife, mother, and father, friends, and family.
I have had many of those moments of enlightenment where it became clear that I could no longer go on with this. There have been months at a time where I was able to stay clean. But some kind of life event always drove me back to the pills. I would have a surgery or other physical problem, or life would become so stressful that I would choose to hit the exit door and insulate myself from the world around me by delving into the world of pills.
There is another component yo my story that is important to share. In 1995 I had a bad auto accident that broke several of my bones and kept me in the hospital about a week. Worse than the physical wounds, however, I found myself battling emotional wounds. By the time I turned 22 I found myself battling terrible panic attacks that marked the beginning of my struggle with chronic depression that has lasted until now (I'm now 41). I have tried. nearly every antidepressant known to man. In the end I settled good old Prozac and Klonopin. Neither of which has done a great deal to relieve my depressive symptoms. I currently take 40 mg of Prozac and 2 mg of Klonopin in the morning and 2 mg at night. No, I have never abused Klonopin in the way I have hydrocodone. I don't feel blissful on either medication. I only notice them in their absence. I have tried to quit both and have experienced hellish withdrawals with each. My sub doctor indicated that he would like to see me come off of both quickly. I understand that taking benzos with Suboxone is a dangerous combination, but quitting cold turkey, especially with the Klonopin can be equally dangerous. He said he would like to see me off of both within six months. I don't see this happening but maybe Suboxone will allow it?
Getting to my main point. I have not been drawn to opiates because of recreational use. They were, as I've written, prescribed for physical pain. But the best aspect about opiates to me was their positive effect on the symptoms of my depression. Nothing I've taken comes close to making me feel "normal" as do opiates.
Hydrocodone, oxycodone etc... do make me feel "not depressed" but they are a kind of fools gold. My body and mind quickly build up a tolerance for them, and I find myself taking more and more to feel "not depressed". So when I started reading more and more about Suboxone, I became very interested. The medicine might be able to help me break the cycle of pill addiction, and help me as a type of antidepressant.
There seem to be two opposing camps on this issue. Some believe it is ridiculous to even consider Suboxone as a long term treatment for depression. Some might say I'm making the same mistake as I did with hydrocodone...expecting a band aid to heal a much deeper disease. There others who see Suboxone as a type of synergistic agent that might be legitimate weapon to combat depression. I can understand the viewpoints from both sides, but as for me, I'm willing to at the very least give Suboxone a few days to see how it makes me feel. I can tell you this, that I can already feel the positive effects of the Suboxone on my depression. There was an initial semi state of euphoria a couple of hours after I took my first strip, but I don't exactly feel " high". I feel rather normal capable of doing things that I would ordinarily struggle with (like typing this ridiculously long post that most people won't have the patience to read!)
I'm not sure how things will go from here. I'm not sure how I will sleep tomorrow or how I will feel with my next dose. But I will say that it feels good to have some hope. I have been worrying all summer how I would be able to gut out another year in the classroom with my raging depression and addiction cycles. I don't know how it will end, but at the end of the day it is nice to be able to look back and say that I did the right thing, that I tried to make the right choice.
I have an addiction problem with my prescribed Opana and I need some advice and help from anyone who knows about my situation.
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I'm stuck in the middle between a legit need for strong pain meds and apparently a predisposition to addiction. I was on Fentanyl patches from 2005 to 2012 when I went to residential treatment for 30 days because I had been "cheeking" strips of my patches for over a year. Anyway, long story short, the plan there was to transition me from fentanyl to suboxone using Opana as a bridge med. I tried induction from Opana to sub twice and felt horrible. The day after the second attempt, the place was raided by the DEA so I chose to come home on the Opana for my pain.
Fast forward a year and a half and my pain doc has kept me on the Opana but the problem is that I've been snorting the IR for almost a year. I'm on the ER 20 mg twice a day which I take orally as directed, and I am prescribed the IR 10 mg 5 x day, those are the ones I crush and snort....10 mg - 5 times a day.
I want to stop doing this but I am so scared...I have read that Opiate withdrawal is very hard. And I wonder if the original plan to have me on Suboxone is a good one....if it will give me the pain relief I need. Does anyone know if the bupe is a good pain reliever? What about if it doesn't work well enough....I've heard that suboxone is a b**ch to come off of too!
So I told my psychiatrist (who does some addiction work) and she wants to refer me out to an addiction specialist. I've been with this psy doc for 14 years and she knows me well and how delicate my stability is. They want to do this switch in a detox center in town where I live which I am OK with if I can get my questions answered about the suboxone...and it may turn out the addiction doc (who does chronic pain as well) will want me off opiates to try and treat my fibromyalgia in other ways. I'm skeptical about that....but I digress
So. To sum it up I came to this board because I obviously am an addict. I need help getting off the Opana, which is coming...but I am scared. Terrified of the withdrawal and being left in pain. And to repeat my main questions.... does anyone know if suboxone is a good strong pain reliever? What about then being stuck on suboxone long term... is that done for pain? Sorry, I know,that's a bit off topic for these boards but I figured you here may know more about Sub.
Thanks in advance for any help. Oh...I forgot to mention....I am stalled at the moment with the new addiction doc....my psy doc called him while I was in her office and told him about me. He said I could go to the detox center but I want to have a consultation with him fist to get my questions answered...I've called his office twice in the past week to make an appointment and he hasn't called back. So I am continuing to gather info while I wait.
I have been on Suboxone for about 5 years now with a great doctor who was very strict. Measured you levels and if you messed up or tested positive for ANYTHING you are out and the the next person is in. I really have to thank him the most because in the early phases I really had cravings and wanted and would use if I could, but his monthly appointments and drug checks kept me in check. pretty soon the craving went away and a strong urge to get my life back has come upon me. I worked myself from 8 mg at the beginning to 1/8th mg now per day. It still amazes the power of this drug. I still get symptoms when I try and stretch the 1/8 to more than a day. So tomorrow will be my last 1/8th then I am DONE!!
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Has anyone on here jumped from an 1/8th and had severe symptoms.? Just want to prepare myself for the next week or so. The worst part for me has been my bowels at this point and can't sleep early in the AM. I have ample Clonidine from DR but can only take that at night cause it makes me sleepy and dizzy.
Today is day 3 for me. I am prescribed 90 norco a month and found this month for the first time I finished them 9 days early. So, I guess that means I take about 6 day. I use to take 1 at a time. I soon discovered that if I take
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1 1/2 at a time , not only will my back/hip pain subside, but I feel pretty "good" also. I've been known to take 2 at a time also...
I ran out and had no way of getting anymore. I found myself waking up at 5am like clockwork for the past three mornings with the "bubble guts" and having to take these weird bowl movements. Truth be told, I am not in a lot of pain. I am just anxious to get more meds to avoid having the bubble guts first thing in the morning and using the bathroom at work (which is a very small office by the way =/). I don't like the sleep deprivation either since I have a very demanding job and three kids aged 13, 8, and 4.
Bottom line is, I know I take the pills for more than the physical pain. I can admit that. I do have physical pain, but there are times where I can hold off. No other pain med will do. My body laughs at Motrin 800 and Baclofen and I am trying to find a way to get to work tomorrow with a clear head. I have Tramadol and hate it. It just makes me feel in a cloud, but not so much "good". I am seeking the "good" sensation. It's the truth. I know meds aren't good for the body, so if I'm going to take them I'd rather take the good stuff-something that will work.
I feel sort of bad for saying this as I know there are some real troopers out there who can quit cold turkey...but, as soon as I can fill my prescription (in 5 days), I will probably pick them up on my lunch break. Sad. For those of you who can quit cold turkey, I applaud you because withdrawals SUCK. I didn't mention the other symptoms: runny nose (odd), cough (something in my throat causes me to go on these brief coughing episodes), goose bumps (chills), night sweats, irritability (and feeling like a crackhead for being in this position). I can totally deal with those things, but the deal breakers for me is the insomnia and the bubble guts...I will try to taper off. Until next time.
I am 34 I am married and have kids. I had gotten kidney stones during a pregnancy since doctors couldn't give me anything to help pass them I ended up taking vicodin 2 500 every 4 hrs. It was a prescription well I ended up giving birth and finally passed them about 2 weeks after delivery. By that time I got hooked I couldn't stop and I ended up buying off the streets. It started as 1 or 2 a day then ended up going up just to get the same feeling. I could take up to 12 a day sometimes and sometimes it would only be 4 a day. It was basically whatever I can afford. I never thought I could end up like this!!! From never taking anything to being dependent on a pill. I was spending all my money on these pills If I didn't use one day I would be sick I just wasn't me anymore. Finally 7 days ago I finally had enough and stopped. The physical symptoms are gone but it's the mental part now that's hard to deal with. I feel very anxious especially in the am because that's when I first started using. I have a lot of ups and downs through the day. I guess I was just numb to any feelings all day and now I feel very anxious. I wish I can push a button and skip this part of my life. I am so depressed but I manage to get up and do some things around the house. I tried to stop one other time and all I did was lay down and cried my kids thought I had the flu this time I am not doing the same mistake I am trying to be more motivated but I run out of energy fast!!!! I started taking a multivitamin when I stopped taking the pills. I take tylenol pm to sleep at night and started effexor for the anxiety which seems to be helping right now that's why I think I made it so far. I really just need to talk to some of you about your experiences and kind words
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Hi, I am new here. Just looking for some advice or suggestions. Maybe even encouragement. I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Panic Disorder in August of 2012. I began taking Ativan. I was on it for about a year, my highest dose was 1.5 mg per day. This started out as needed. I didn't like the way it started to make me feel. I felt in a fog and "stupid". I was also getting "jerks" when I slept. I switched to Xanax in September of 2013, it did make me feel better cognitively, however I knew I wanted to get off this stuff all together. I started tapering from 1mg of Xanax daily. I cut .25 and did good. I had a headache and some muscle aches, but nothing unmanageable. After a week, I cut another .25. The first couple days were ok, then I was very sick. Dizziness, nausea, I just felt like staying in bed. No energy at all. I realized I must be going to fast, and being that I do have to function at work, I went back to .75. I leveled back out, and after two weeks tried again, but this time, only cut half of a .25 tab. So far, it is day 4 and I am doing ok. Much more manageable. I am taking .25 in the morning and then half .25 tabs three times. So four doses a day. Does this sound ok? And has anyone had experience with this? Or success? I am upset that my doctor never warned me off this. I do have to maintain my job and I am also a Mom so trying to be successful while keeping my sanity. Thank you!
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what works to rid your body of morphine
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I'm going to a clinic in 3 days. I'm sick of the pills.. I'm sick of being in withdrawal a lot when I run out. plus I do have pain issues and the tramadol doesn't help . vicodin doesn't even touch it, any words of wisdom? ( hopefully a few positives? )
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I have been using oxycodone 30's for 2 1/2 years. The dose I was using was up to 9 a day I finally reached a breaking point and decided to get clean I started out with suboxone 8/2 3x a day then I stepped down to gabapentin 400mg 3x a day, clonidine 0.1 mg a day and baclofen 20mg 3x a day. I have been on these meds for 2 months and as much as I don't like it I relapsed 3 weeks ago now I went back on my meds but I'm still getting detox symptoms when I'm off of them. I get headaches runny nose over heating aches and pains but not as bad as if I was coming start off Roxie's. now my question is how long does it take for me to go back to normal or even if ,
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I tend to see alcohol,drugs, bulimia as addiction. I have done all of them. Unfortunately alcohol for me is the least controllable one of all of them. I have been an addict for 40 years now. I started out as bulimic, drink started to cause problems when I was around 30.
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I've been to A.A. I've done the 12 step program but I recently had a bad relapse.Only one day. It is helpful.
A.A has helped me I know I am an alcoholic.but I didn't like the idea of people phoning me every other day and I don't like the idea of sponsors - it's true they have had alcohol experiences that I understand too but I don't like telling someone I don't know about my life experiences as In Step 4 . No one there is an expert. Their analysis may be wrong.Even though it is meant in the best way possible.
I have a lot of other issues at the moment the worst being poverty, legal issues and relationship problems. A.A can help with some things and not other but none of these.These things were not caused by alcohol. Partly by addiction.some socioeconomic.
It's a very good organisation and helps many people but only 5% stay clean. It's fine if you are prepared to do all the meetings believe 100% in the program. It's just A.A can't help me with the burning issues just now.
I've done therapy which has helped with a lot of things but a lot of the therapy stuff I learned goes against A.A teachings. Therapy is about creating a life for yourself. A.A is about being dependent on A.A forever. I don't like that. Maybe I haven't hit my "rock bottom" yet and I'm not desperate enough.
Having said this A.A does absolute wonders for some. So it's definitely worth a try.
My memory, both long term and short term, is shot. I cannot remember names, stories, facts, and many things that were easily retrievable only a few months ago.
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Basically, from June until recently, I had major sleep problems. My primary doctor was reluctant to prescribe any kind of sleep medication. Also, I had poor sleep hygiene, and continued to smoke cigarettes and eat an unhealthy diet. Ultimately, I did not sleep for about two months. At most, I would get 2 hours per night.
At the same time, out of desperation, I started to abuse zzzquil. I would take 2x to 2.5x the recommended dose. All things considered, I am a large guy, at about 250 pounds. Still, in the beginning, that dose would afford me 6 hours of sleep. A couple months later - none.
If I was not taking zzzquil I would try melatonin with no results. If not melatonin, I would drink high quantities of alcohol (whiskey, straight up).
I had to quit my job recently, which was an easy one, as I could not focus upon any kind of work. I cannot remember numbers and figures for minutes after I have seen them. Even writing this post is very difficult.
At this point, I pace around my parent's house, chewing ice cubes, driving them crazy, mumbling to myself about how much I suck at life. At one point I was a smart guy - now I feel like a 95 year old.
My parents, my friends, people in AA, my general practitioners, everyone, say that I can make a comeback and that this damage is reversible. I thought that brain damage was irreversible? I cannot afford nor even get a referral to see a neurologist.
Before this summer, I was a chronic alcoholic and marijuana abuser, even for a time while on antidepressants, and have been incredibly irresponsible. My life is a current agony. What should I do? Should I believe that my parents and those around me are correct, should I give up as I am too broke to afford treatment? I am clueless, feeling hopeless, stupid....
Or should I start taking Prozac - as two/four gps stated that this is stemming from depression?
I am a 67 year old male who had previously been drinking a fifth of straight Vodka for years and went 3 times to a clinic to detox.
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I quit for many years but due to personal Family problems I started drinking heavily again about 3 months or so ago. (3- 1/2 pints of Vodka a day)
18 days ago I started self in home detox and am SLOWLY but surely beginning to feel better but not at all up to par.
I can't sleep at night and still feel woozy and unsteady on my feet! Somewhat dis oriented as well!
At the beginning of my Detox I had dark colored urine which indicated blood but a R/x of Amoxicillin seemed to take care of that and my urine is now the color its supposed to be.
I, for a few days had black stool but it has since gone away and is back to normal (?) color.
I drink about 5 bottles of water a day and sleep (or try to sleep? with a cold washrag on my head during the day and at night.
My question I guess is this:
I am on day 18 now and still feel as I described as above.
I have read for hours on the NET regarding as to how long these feelings will last and I can't find a definitive answer. Most have said that the feelings will pass after two weeks but could take 3 weeks or longer! Can someone please verify?
I have taken painkillers off and on for years. I've gone thru withdraws many many times. I finally overcame my addiction by realizing why I started abusing them and research research research...I've tried the Thomas recipe, etc. My biggest issues are anxiety, irritability, and insomnia. Without getting into everything and making whoever is reading this bored, I'll jump right in. This is how I did it, cold turkey. I went to the Dr and told him I had sCiatica. Anyone addicted to opiates I'm sure knows how to Google an ailment, go to the Dr and complain. Tell the Dr you read about the medication gabapentin and want to try it. Tell him that you also have mild anxiety and read that gabapentin. May help with that. If you throw things in like, "I've tried prescription pa in meds And things like Xanax but they just make me loopy so after reading about this medication, I got really excited and would like to try it." Ok, so after you get it, also go to a health food store and get L-tyrosine, Source of Life vitamins and of course, imodium. The best way to do this, the most effect way, is to take about 600-900mg of the gabapentin right before you go to bed on the LAST day that you use opiates. It will help you sleep And feel good the next day. Upon waking, take 1000mg of the L-TYROSINE, your vitamins and your immodium, and another 300 mg of the gabapentin. 2 hrs later take another 300 mg of the gabapentin. It's better absorbed if you drink a glass if orange juice or take an ibuprofen. I should've said that 1st. So take an aleve Or advil With it. That would help with any aches and pains. Halfway thru your day, take another 300mg of the gabapentin and 500mg of the tyrosine. Do this every day for a week. It will get you thru the toughest part. I absolutely swear by this. Of course you're still going to want the drugs and kinda crave then but I promise you, you will feel fine physically and mentally. I read a while back that major depressive disorder sometimes is caused by a gaba deficiency. Major depressive disorder can cause anxiety, aggression, etc. I researched and tried everything. Then I read about these meds And gabapentin Is used for seizures, insomnia, alcohol withdrawal, etc. I have quit cold turkey and thought I was gonna shoot myself in the head because of the physical and emotional hell it caused. Coming off of roxys,oxys, methadone is no easy task. But I swear to you, if you do this, you won't have to suffer. You will feel good. Feel fine. Sleep, eat, take a shower and not feel like it's an overwhelming chore. No sweats. No stomach pain. No anxiety. No aggression. I hope someone reads this, tries it and posts back. Maybe the hell I've been thru will mean something. If I can even just help one person than it was all worth it.
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I don't know what happened. I have been doing great the last 2 weeks, and then all of a sudden this morning was bad. I woke up in a panic attack. I really want to know what is going on. I am still seeing a counselor, doctor, and going to na meetings. Being over 120 days clean, would this still be some sort of PAWS. I am still struggling with how all this started while i was using. I don't really feel depressed, but this anxiety does make me feel down. Can you have anxiety this deep into withdrawal. Again, i used normal opiates for over 2 years, and switched to loperamide the last year. The lope was about 20 to 30 a day. A big part of me still thinks that after even 12000 dollars of testing, the doctors have still missed something. Is all this still normal? I mean I felt great the last 2 weeks, and then all of a sudden. Please respond anyone who has experience with this. I really think it's something else. I am scared of something not seen. I know this is a contrast from last post, but what is going on. I am trying to not take any of the xanax they gave me, but today i had to take 2 of the smallest doses.
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I've been an addict for many years on and off, but over the last 2 yrs I've mostly been doing the suboxone treatment daily. I so want to get off of these once and for all,and if I scroll back into the suggestions on here, I can probably find what I'm looking for,as to advice in getting off them.I can sure use some helpful advise or remedies from some of you that have been on suboxone and gotten off of them.
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I've been on suboxone a little over 18 months and I wouldn't even question getting off suboxone but I feel like it's taking away all of my emotions by this point and making me irritable. This week I wanted to do h so bad but I didn't and I haven't had a problem with cravings on Suboxone.. I'm also a junior in college so I'm worried getting off will mess up my studies and focus. I know I'll be at risk but I miss having emotions and feeling things. My doctor also holds over my head and won't let me off of it if I don't go to meetings but he knows my problems with them and I feel like he won't do it because of the high check of prescribing suboxone. My cravings also scared me this week and what's the point of being on it if I just have to wait like 48 hours and I can do dope which is super easy to wait.
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I am taking suboxone for 6 months, going doing little by little. I am at a quarter a pill. but i got these percocet from the hospital, plus I have been really been wanting to get off the suboxone anyway. How would I go about doing that. I have some klonopin here as well, so I could take those as well. But I really want to get off of those suboxone.
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i want to know what is better to take first subo and after tramadol or first tramadol and after suboxone
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I've done Percocet for years now and I finally decided to quit , this is my second day without using any percocets. The first night was absolutely crazy and didn't even sleep one hour and I'm dead serious ! After tossing and turning all night getting hot and cold skin crawling restless legs etc, I had a my sister get me a 8 mg suboxone strip from a friend at her work. I cut it in three pieces so it's a little over 2.5 mg a piece. I took a dose of this at 5 am. When should I take my next dose of this ? How long does it last?
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So yesterday I went to see the RA and it appeared as if he cared. He explained that I was severe with FIBRO and that there isn't too much that he could do. He upped my LYRICA to 200 mg (not sure why as it gives me more issues than taking pain away) . He also suggested that I go to a Fibro Clinic in UF , some where in the panhandle of Florida, I can not do it (Finances, Insurance, I don't drive because of LYRICA) . He also gave me a referral for SUBOXONE This is a medicine that they usually give for people who have had problems with pain pills.The RA explained how he just read an article in how this could help me. Has any one else experienced this? Did it work?
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will i have withdraws after taking suboxone 3 weeks? they put me back on pain meds because i having surgery soon
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