Pregnancy :: So Depressed - Unplanned Baby
Aug 7, 2014
I'm 29 weeks today and my mood is so low. I just want to cry. This is my first baby and it wasn't planned. I even had the morning after pill. I'm very lucky to have a supportive husband but I can't help feeling so anxious and depressed. I should be over the moon. We did want children just not yet.
Pregnancy isn't the wonderful experience I'd always imagined. I'm finding it difficult and debilitating. But I do want this baby. I'm just scared.
I don't know how to improve my mood or way of thinking. I really am in a bad place and I feel selfish for feeling low. I'm pathetic
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On baby number 2 when was the earliest you felt movement and kicks. I'm only 6 weeks and getting nervous because i haven't had any symptoms only snackin all the time.
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So today I found out im having another girl as if I need 3 lil girls running around me. I already have 2 girls who I love dearly and had my hopes set on this one (being my last) to be a boy. Im so mad that I really dont want this baby and even came across my mind to abort this baby all because of its gender. And I feel so selfish and like im some horrible mother to even think this way. I cried all the way home today because the baby's a girl! Im mad at myself and my bf. I need help because I cant get over this....this is not something I can easily say oh well to. Im afraid that when the baby is born I will resent it and it will distrot my relationship with my bf
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HOW IT STARTED:
Yes, I was one of those annoying people who all the teachers liked.
Once, one of my professors even told me I was one of the "golden children" of my year. I suppose I worked so hard to get good grades because all my life I had been encouraged and enabled to do my best. I was used to success. In college I even overcame my shyness and gained a lot of good friends and a handful of real, true friends who I deeply care for. I had a part-time job in my fiend that I worked between classes, and I was looking forward to continuing my upward climb to success.
So when I lost my out-of-college job because the company had a financial catastrophe that made it impossible for them to hire me, I figured, "Hey, I'll just get another job and move on with my life. No big."
But almost a year later I still didn't have a job, and because I'm inherently introverted I had lost touch with most of my friends because they were all too far away to see in person and I'm terrible at keeping up with social media. I was living at home with my parents, sleeping in the spare bed in my sisters' room, and slowly realizing that all the people who were "Looking forward to seeing me succeed in the future" were going to be direly disappointed in me.
FIRST WAVE:
New Year 2013 brought on odd feelings. I still had hope that things would improve, but they consistently didn't. I lost a few big freelance clients that I was counting on because I made a few dumb mistakes, and that made things worse. I started crying in the bathroom for "no reason," not understanding why I was feeling so down and out when I still had potential, I just wasn't living up to it yet.
Fast forward a few months and I had basically given up on myself. I believed I was a loser, someone who had let down the many people who had trusted me with their wisdom and advice. I wasn't one of the "golden children," I was a pathetic fake who couldn't even call someone on the phone without feeling incredibly anxious, much less actually interview for a job. All the confidence I'd gained in college was gone and I felt even less sure of myself than I did in high school.
It was like the "real me" got locked in a room somewhere and I couldn't find her.
My mom noticed I was moody and finally confronted me about it, but instead of helping it only made me feel like she was even more disappointed in me and fed my unconfidence even more. Then, one day, after my mom got angry at me once again for being unable to communicate my real thoughts because I was so confused myself, my dad came out and let me sit there and cry until I had composed myself enough to speak. He was calm enough to keep me relatively calm and we discovered that the depression was probably coming from a few different sources. I was feeling lonely without my friends. I was back in my childhood home and reverting to the unconfident person I used to be. I was disappointed in myself and projecting imagined feelings of disappointment from others onto myself. I never got out of the house so I felt isolated. I wasn't making a steady income and that was stressing me out. Etc.
I decided to stop freelancing full time and get a job so I could at least get out of the house, make a steady income, and be around people. But after several interviews that were just awful because I either didn't have enough qualifications for that particular job or because I was having an off day and feeling really socially awkward, I didn't get any of the jobs.
SECOND WAVE:
I revamped my hope. But then it got crushed.
I'm still not as bad as I was last year, but I'm starting to feel like randomly crying again and sometimes my skin feels like it's going to wriggle off with how much I just want to get out of my house. I'm so afraid that I'm going to delve back into self-loathing-ville again, and I know that I sabotage myself when I'm like that. I so do not want to lost this tiny bit of momentum I've achieved, but I can't make things move faster. I can't get a job any faster, I can't get a car until I have money from a job, I can't get a job sometimes because I don't already have a car, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm going crazy.
SO...
I know a lot of people around my age are going through things like this but for my particular situation does anyone know how to help me push through until things improve? I'm getting so tired of feeling so bad and I'm losing my energy trying to keep going. My parents are enabling me to stay home and do nothing but I don't want to stay home and do nothing! I want to get a job and be independent and have autonomy and start becoming who I used to be again so I can be a confident, awesome person! AAH!
Also, right now I'm not feeling so bad so I have a sense of humor, but in an hour or so I might be curled up in the bathroom crying into a towel so no one will hear me. I got on this forum in the first place because my skin was feeling antsy and I wanted to get away so badly and I wanted to know if other people felt the same way. Crazy mood swings, anyone?
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I want a 3d ultrasound does ur Doctor tell u to have them! I'm 32 weeks and I don't think they are gonna tell me to get anymore. I wanna see my baby girl's face!
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I'm 32 week and I have this pain on my right side like 2" under my breast is the baby big enough to be in my ribs there it goes away sometime and hurts less on and off but its very painful most the time
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can you tell if you'll be able to breastfeed before the baby comes? Or won't you know till she's here?
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for moms who've had there baby boy circumcised... was he in any kind of pain after? if so, for how long? or was he perfectly fine?
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When will u feel your baby's first kick?
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I'm only 15 weeks pregnant and 3 days but when can your baby kick
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Last time I went to the doctor, he was breech. I'm not sure if he still is but I haven't really felt him kick much at all today. I really hope everything is okay. I'm freaking out and really need advice. How can I get him to kick? I'm 22 weeks, 1 day. Should I be feeling him regularly? Is there anything I can drink/eat/do to get him to move and let me know he's okay?
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36 weeks, went to the doctor today & my baby is only 4lbs. They did some test everything was fine & shows that he's healthy, he's just a little small, I can't help but to be worried... Has anybody else had these problems
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im 22 weeks pregnant and every night I have dreams about my baby being born not alive! Not long after iv had a funeral for my baby my husband dies. I had another where I went into labor now so baby didn't make it due to being to early!
My husband works away for months at a time is this signs of worry or am I just loosing it?
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my first pregnancy i dreamed about a baby girl my whole pregnancy but found out i was having a boy , now my second pregnancy ive dreamed about a baby boy , so hopefully im carrying a girl . im soooo impatient to find out
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I'm 28 weeks pregnant & my baby hasn't been moving like she use to . Should I been concerned ? Should I go see a doctor ?
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39 weeks and baby isn't moving as much as she usually does . I've heard the further you get & baby grows they dont have much room , but should i be concerned ? I have an OB appt. Tomorrow , should i bring it up ?
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I'm almost 27 weeks and I've noticed my baby not moving as much as he used to. I wonder if this is normal? He used to move all day every day, now is just a few times a day and not very much, he gets more active at night time now, he might be moving while I sleep but I'm such a heavy sleeper maybe I don't notice? I'm planning on talking to my midwife tomorrow anyway but any advice would be awesome, thanks ladies!
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I'm 17 weeks pregnant and I only feel the baby once in awhile some days not at all is this normal?
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I'm 18w4d and im reading loads about when will I feel the baby kick for the first time. Is everybody different?
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This is my 3rd pregnancy. I felt #1 at around 18 weeks. #2 I felt fluttering at about 15 weeks. Just wondering about others.
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