Schizophrenia :: Isolated, Sounds, Delusions And Illusions


Jul 29, 2013

I'm a teen. Odd I know but I had Schizophrenia for a couple months, I try to tell my "Guardians" but they just say "Oh You're just dreaming".

"You just we're Tired." I see bad things when I wake up...a Spider in front of my face...my worst nightmare a tall pitch black figure,they become flashes when I wake up. Or when I walk in the House at night. I feel I am always watched and I go into Isolation more often than usual. I hear sounds as well. Since I deeply fear that I may wake up and end up fainting because I saw a Figure that wasn't actually there. My Best Friend Thinks i'm just Crazy. It feels when I escape a Nightmare I then live one. It seems as if no one believes me but I have most of the Symptoms, Isolated, sounds, delusions ,illusions,and a false sense of security. I just woke up and decided I need to find a way. The Only Ones who believe me are my Step Dad and Mother,but they have no control of me.

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Do I have schizophrenia?

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How it affects me..is subtle...I don't' always realize it always.

For example:  I am in a relationship.

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When I hear a police car...I shake and think something has happened to one of my boys. 

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The cellar...my boys lived in and destroyed.

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I've been on meds since last summer trying to find the right one that works.

So the reality confusions I've been experiencing...

For quite a few years now I've felt like I'm someone else, it varies as to who the someone else may be. Sometimes a famous person, sometimes a friend or family member.

I'll be sat in a room, or driving in my car, and I feel like there is a whole bunch of people who are there with me.. Sat in the room or the car.

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This is constant..

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Should I mention about my confusions around what's real/who's real.. And what/who isn't? I'm scared to do this, but wondering if I may have Schizophrenia..

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Will I be having this medication for the rest of my life? Or will this surely end in some point in time?

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I live in Florida.

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And while I'm at it, why not Alzheimer's and every other genetic disease?

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I hear voices for sure. For a long time, I'd be studying in my room and I'd always hear the tv on and my mom talking and I'd actually believe she was downstairs. But then when I go downstairs, the tv is off and my mom is sleeping. I hear voices tell me really bad things about myself and most of the time. I utterly hate my life because I can't trust those around me, I always suspect them of having this plan to make me look pathetic in public. I have 2 really bad fears: snakes and dots (trypophobia). If i see any of these, I go beserk. I had an attack during the summer because i saw a snake while i was outside, but my dad was at work, and my mom was in her home country. It took me hours before I calmed down and run back home. I kept running around the entire neighborhood like a maniac and I always visualized the snake following me. With dots, it's a whole other story. I basically scream and just turn around. I hate dots, circles close together, all that stuff. It freaks me out. For a while, I had hallucinations that snakes came down the wall. But they were squigly, small and black. I used to look at the them but they never touched the ground, they just stayed on the wall and repeated themselves like a gif.

I have become very very very unfocused in everything, I can't complete tasks anymore and needless to say this include taking a shower before the next day of school. This is bad to add but i've had a few interests in my life and when I find myself that i like them, I become creepily addicted to them in a weird way. I start to fantasize creepy stuff and on top of that i research everything about them. I even start to follow them and i won't stop liking them after a long long long time. I always laugh at the wrong things, like death. When the subject of death comes up about a person or so, I actually have to hold myself from laughing. Or when like I see someone crying about something, I hold myself from laughing as well. I have always been afraid of people's words since I was 5. That was the first time everyone in my elementary school made fun of me. They ruined my life throughout elementary school till high school. They call me names and now I can't do anything without the fear of being judged or talked about.

I also joined a cult a few years ago (I left it after a year) that the govt. was bad and it was going get me. That made me paranoid of public places even more. I also ever since I was young believed for some reason I am special. From thinking I was secretly mermaid to believing I was a witch and I knew witchcraft to thinking im the freaking avatar and I can bend 4 elements (still think that one cause i just feel as if i have that power). So basically what I'm trying to state is that I have issues but I have no idea if they fit the Schizophrenia criteria.

My parents don't believe in mental help at all, basically if I told them any of this, they would yell at me to be normal. And they have before. So do you think the criteria fits and if it similarly does...should i just try to get help on my own? i am almost 18 and i might get a job before college and im living on campus anyway. What do you think i should do? I feel like it's getting worse and that in college i feel like one day i will go crazy and explode.

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I am also interested in which ways your thinking is different from those around you.. as I am not sure what is merely my personality and what is 'pathological'

So this is the list;

- Friend was talking, his voice gradiently silenced and a song started playing instead while his lips were still moving

- I was listening to music from another room and a song I vaguely heard maybe 2 times in my life came on, played through (lyrics, everything) and then ended. I wanted to put on another one, only to notice this one never played, in fact there was silence the whole time.

- I hear people calling me by name when they're not

- I hear people near me say things when they're silent (not sure)

- I saw a small object being thrown and disappear when touching the ground, I followed it with my look and my friends were all staring at me, shocked

- I lose vision sometimes

- I saw my room warp and my roommate grow larger

- My mentality is alien and I've been paranoid since ever

- I dropped acid and realized it's how I feel all the time; my thoughts can inflict physical pain/choking/paranoia or a very good trip, I draw same art sober or not

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So I've never been to a Dr about this...

For ad long as I can remember I've heard two voices talking to each other about me. It made me really anxious and sad. I didn't really think it wasn't normal until like I was 12 and told my mom about it.

Its always been just those two until lately I started anti depressants and anti anxiety meds and they've pretty much stopped. (I'm 26 now and only been on the meds for 2 1/2 years)

I had a cat scan of my brain 4 years ago (I was 22) bc I was in a super mild car accident. Never followed up but it had said that my cerebral sulci ventricles were advanced for my age.

When googled I found it could be linked to schizophrenia.

Is it possible that I have schizophrenia but it's really mild and controlled? I know it would have come out by now..

I hate doctors and feel awkward and a hypochondriac so that's why I never followed up with anything!

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