Substance Abuse :: Crying All Day
Jan 10, 2015
Emotional. I ache.View 13 Replies
Emotional. I ache.View 13 Replies
To everyone who has given me support and advice, I have not insufflated any of my pills since Wednesday. I had planned to do my pills intranasally for the last time Tuesday, and start the withdrawal process Wednesday, but I had too many necessary errands Wednesday, so Thursday, yesterday, was my first day not insufflating my pills. I have only gotten two hours of sleep, can't think straight, am not even driving, have the chills, fever (and then my temp goes below normal), sweating, cold and hot, very loose bowels, but so far no serious nausea or vomiting. I am experiencing the burning in my neck, arms and upper back (which may be a symptom unique to me due to my history with shingles?). Though the burning may be a common withdrawal symptom, I don't know. I definitely have insomnia. I have been taking Benadryl and Tylenol PM for the cold symptoms. So far, I haven't gotten the shingles again. I did get some little blisters on the fingerprint side of my index finger, and other skin reaction on my hands, like stress--induced eczema. Stress causes skin reactions on me, like hives, etc. I know I'm a lightweight, and others may handle this better--after all I am swallowing three pills a day, I didn't go cold turkey, like others, but I know my body and knew I wouldn't be safe to even drive.
I got a cervical steroid epidural Monday, which I thought would help, and it does help big-time with pain. However, where the steroid injections usually trigger a slight manic reaction with me (I have been diagnosed "hypomanic" and "manic depressives manic type" and "ADHD, hyperactive, impulsive type" and PTSD) this time the injection seemed to put me in a mixed state. I was really, really agitated and anxious, to the point I thought I might need to get some anti-anxiety medication. My cousin brought over a Xanax and a joint, and a bottle of vodka. For some reason, I just don't feel like adding more chemicals to my poor brain. And since I haven't wanted a cigarette since I quit insufflating pills, I slapped a nicotine patch on Thursday, and haven't smoked a cigarette either. I want to remember all of this torture so I am never tempted to insufflate another pill. All the years my pharmacy gave me the Endo tamper resistant silicone encased Opana pills I was never tempted to try the tedious procedure of preparing them for insufflation which I read about online. People actually go thru a lot of work to insufflate or even inject the tamper resistant Opanas. I read about a lung disease from doing so, and a blood disease from injecting them. And what I read horrified me. Then, within a matter of months of receiving the generic Opanas, oxymorphone pills, I started insufflating them. I was in a lot of pain, knew insufflation raised the 10% bioavailability significantly, so I did it, telling myself just this one time. I am no different than the other people trying to relieve their pain. I have to be honest with myself. I have displayed addictive behavior, and played fast and loose with my life. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that doing pills intranasally that are made to be swallowed puts one at risk for lung infection or worse. I need to be honest with myself, address my addictive behavior, and not sweep it under the denial rug (so to speak). If members of my immediate family knew, I would be in a treatment center so fast my head would spin. As VICourageous or Vic595 said: "We are only as sick as our darkest secrets" and I remember that term from AA. Also, I thank Gnarly_1 and Vic595 for pointing out I had crossed the line from dependence onto addiction when I started insufflating my pills. I am sure I would still be telling myself I am only dependent on my pills and they just crushed themselves and flew up my nose, because they could, and it helped my pain more. Yeah, love myself to death, literally.
I know I will feel worse before I feel better, but I am doing the right thing. I can't think straight enough now to quote Gnarly_1, but he said something about getting completely off pain medication to assess my real pain level, etc. and I will be re-reading that too. I know I have been rambling. My head is hurting, but this discomfort won't kill me like the path I was on. Thank all of you. God sent me to Med-Help. Maybe some day when I can think clearly I will be able to help someone else too. I will be back.
I have used hydrocodone for many years as well as abusing them. I lay in bed all night and most of the day. I plan on getting off and will be doing so with the help of my doctors. I gave my parents my medication so I wont abuse them. I just had carpal tunnel and bone fusion surgery. I was given percocets for pain. I took one and my heart rate is very fast and been so for hours. This has happened recently before when I was abusing. Why is it happening when I only take one and is there concern? When I abused the medication I also had problems with breathing, that is why I gave up control. Im not having problems breathing now but if I have pain and take another I might. What can I do?View 1 Replies
Ok Here's my story. I was an abuser of Percocet Oxycontin for years. Having said that I've always been able to put stuff down when it started getting out of control (like a crack pipe with money still in my wallet!) Even perks, but I would stop, then one day a week, then a couple days a week, then after work every day, then before during and after work and, oops I can't pay my bills at the end of the month. Then I would stop again, the withdrawals hurt but whatever. I finally found something I couldn't stop: the cycle not the actual drug. It was then that my now wife and I decided to get on subs, her on suboxone and me on subutex (I had severe headaches and heartburn on suboxone.) My doctor tried two different antacids to no avail. Finally he put me on just the bup, thank god. Flash forward two years 8 mg three times a day, I don't wanna be a slave to this sh++ any more. My doctor asks "are you still having cravings?" I say "yes I am still having cravings doc." But am I? I don't think so, not for perks, just for those f+++ing subs. Oh I almost forgot, and it's important to my kicking, I fell off a roof and was in a coma for 6 days. They were shooting me up with dilaudid thru a pick line that went directly to my heart. WOHW that was awesome by the by. I kicked subs under sedation, I know this because wife told me how much I was tossing and turning in a coma. So much so that they had to tie me to the bed. So it's time to go home they give me.......perks! I transitioned back to subutex seamlessly though so no problems there. So I crushed and snorted mine, which gives you a lot more bio-availability. Here's what I did: I got down to one 8mg per day FIRST. Stopped snorting mine and switched to sucking on those disgusting strips my wife gets. That was the worst I felt, going from snorting to sublingual. At the height of feeling like doggie do I snorted one to feel better then went back to the strips for like 2 days, feeling fine. Then I just stopped. Now, I have the benefit of being out of work on workers comp from my fall off the roof, which, as I said was important because I could lay around and be lazy for as long as I needed. I don't know if it was the particular way I did it but it wasn't that bad. A few hot flashes, a few chills, one night of restless legs and today I feel ok. I did use benzos to bridge any gaps and before bed (I didn't get much sleep for few nights.) I am feeling aches but I think that's just from being 37 and the subs masking them. So I got down to one, stopped snorting/went sublingual for 2 days, snorted one day, 2 more days sublingual, quit with benzos and 3-4 days on the couch. If it weren't for my back and a little ptsd from falling, which is why I'm on workers comp, I feel I could go back to work and be fine. I walked to the store yesterday, my knees hurt but I mean I think I'm over it. Good luck guys, keep telling yourself it ain't that bad, attitude is everything.View 2 Replies
I haven't had one Norco in over 24 hours.The last doses I was taking was 25-30 10/325 norcos a day.View 2 Replies
I've been addicted to oxycodone for a few years and today started on suboxone. I took my last 15mg of oxycodone and then waited until I was in withdrawal (about 8 hrs) to take the suboxone (2mg) I felt like it helped the w/d symptoms for a while, but started feeling bad again after 3 or 4 hours so I took another 1 mg sub ( half a strip). I still don't feel that great and I don't know what to do. Do I just need to take more sub or did I not wait long enough after using the last oxy for the sub to work? when will i feel better?View 2 Replies
I have been on oxycodone prescribed for 5 years 30 milligrams 4 times a day. I would say three years have been nothing but a struggle to not run out of my meds every month. I am going in to see my doctor on Friday to put me on a 12-hour extended-release narcotic, I have had two major back surgeries and I'm not eligible for a third one because of so much scarring around the surgical site. The last 3 days I've been taking 6 oxy's which is 180 milligrams a day. My script doesn't get refilled until the 24th and I only have 12 pills left. My question is if I wean off of 180 milligram down to 30 milligrams or 60 milligrams is this dangerous question mark my second question is if I am put on a Time release narcotic will that help the withdrawals from running out of the oxycodone. I have read so many stories on here that are identical to my story and it makes me feel better than I'm not alone but I do feel all alone and I know this is a crazy crazy drug and I didn't even know anything about pills until I had my back surgeries and now I'm one of the people that are drastically hooked. This is the first time I'll have ran out 7 days early, I've ran out 2 and 3 days before but never 7 and I'm very scared about it and I'm hoping this time release narcotic will help me. It's nice to know after reading all of these forums for years that I am not alone when it comes to this issue but at the same time I feel alone. I never ever thought I would have an addiction problem to Pills and I actually don't have an addiction problem to any other pills it's just the oxycodones, I love them more than life and I can't live without them and it's terrifying to me. So any help would be appreciate it so much.View 3 Replies
I need some guidance. I've always been a responsible person with a good job and good morals. A few years ago my boyfriend was using pain pills regularly. If I had a bad migraine or something he would give me one. I never thought I was in danger of addiction. I've never had an addictive personality. Well I began to use recreationally occasionally. Like take one every couple months at an event or something like that.
Nearly two years ago my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. I was devastated. She died 3 months later and it destroyed me. Absolutely destroyed me. Being a late stage cancer patient, she had thousands of 10mg oxycodone around. I took all of her medication and began taking it regularly. I now realize it's because of the anti anxiety effects they had. I knew it was wrong and I was upset w myself but I was so caught up in grief I didn't care. I took up to 4 a day.. Sometimes 2 a day, and other than knowing it wasn't right, I really didn't think it effected my life. It gave me more energy when I couldn't even get out of bed..and it made me feel like living. A couple weeks ago I realized I was going to run out. So I had to make a decision. Find a way to get more, or quit. I chose to let them run out. I knew my boyfriend went through withdrawal when he quit so I was expecting some kind of withdrawal, but I was never prepared for this. I took the last dose Sunday (today is Wednesday). Monday I didn't feel good but I didn't think much of it.
Monday night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night.. My legs felt restless and I couldn't seem to find the right temperature. I went from hot to cold in a nanosecond.
I still didn't realize this was withdrawal. I thought it was just anxiety. Tuesday was hell. I work full time so I went into work feeling like I had the flu. I assumed it was because I didn't get any sleep. I've battled w insomnia since my mom got sick so I still didn't put it together. I had no energy during and after work. I had no appetite. I got diarrhea so I thought I had a bug, having never read up on withdrawal. The thought of going from the parlor to the bathroom seemed like an impossible task. I tried to go to bed early and tossed and turned. My legs felt like they were on fire. I couldn't keep still. I had full blown chills and was drenched in sweat. I was hot and cold and sweating and miserable. I fell asleep for about 15 minutes and woke up drenched, and I mean drenched in sweat. I may have gotten another hour sleep after that. I began to realize that it was possible this could be withdrawal and made a note to check the symptoms tomorrow at work. So here is day 3. I'm miserable. I feel like I was hit by a bus and have the worst flu of my life. I looked up the symptoms and was shocked to see that I had been experiencing precisely what cold turkey withdrawal is. Over the counter sleep aids haven't helped at all.
Nobody in the world knows I was using these pills so nobody knows what I'm going through. I was debating trying Xanax to help me sleep but read up on benzodiazepines and they seem worse than opiates. Since I became addicted to pain pills, I can no longer trust myself w narcotics and don't know if I should use the Xanax to try and get sleep. I don't know how many more days of work I can take without sleep and don't have a day off coming until Sunday.
Ok so I was taking oxycodone painkillers for about 1 1/2 years for my back issues. 10 mg pills and I was only taking anywhere from 1 to 1 and a 1/2 a day. Never exceeded that. However I started getting nervous that long term probably isn't good on my stomach. So I lowered my dosage last week to 3/4 of a pill for about 5 days then I quit last Friday.
That's where the problems started. First 40 hours I felt like I had a strange low grade current running through my arms/legs. Not painful more like annoying. Almost like I just had to twitch or move my arms. That finally wore off and now I feel absolutely terrible. NO energy, NO desire to move, headaches for 3 days straight, I just feel like rolling in a ball and dying. And to top it off I awoke last night at 2AM and couldn't fall back asleep. So my long and drawn out question is...................Is this truly all from the withdrawals? I mean I am just having a hard time believing that this stems from taking pretty much 1 lousy pill a day. I understand 1 1/2 years is a long time, but 1 pill a day?
And then of course it leads me to my next question......How long is this going to legitimately last? I have been soooo tempted to just take a pill and get the pain over with but I really need to stay off of these.
How can you tell if someone is using meth if they deny it? I'm suspicious because they've had previous problems with meth but got clean. Now it seems like there are things going on such as missing at least 2 days of work a week and sleeping all the time. Rent isn't paid either.View 1 Replies
I have to stop meth while working a good job and raising a beautiful child, I've been up and down this path many times, AA, by myself, God, for myself, and for others. This time if I don't stop it is going to be too late. My kid will be 8 soon and I don't want to **** up their life.. I feel if I can just stop now maybe my kid has a chance.. We have a chance. If I don't I'm screwed. But I still have to maintain my job, my apt., taking care of my child. I'm so scared and I can't just sleep for a week!!!! I need help like NOW. Please someone just tell me specifically what I can do. First off I can't really make it to meetings with my schedule, I want to try something else anyhow. So maybe something besides a 12 step program. Not that I don't agree with the importance and good they do I just have never been able to really jump onto the wagon of working the steps and all the AA/NA is my life thing. I just want to be a good parent and role model for my child.. Please someone help meView 6 Replies
I have been on suboxone for about four years now. Before taking suboxone I WAS NOT an addict, I never took pill or any other drug but either way here I am. I got addicted to suboxone then started using heroine & other drugs I did it all backwards but whatever like i said here I am. I'm off of the other drugs & only using suboxone about 3-4mg a day. I have a 1 year old daughter & I want to be totally sober not only for myself but for her. I am extremely motivated but extremely horrified about the withdrawal. I am 23 & I have no help when it comes to taking care of my daughter her dad works full time(also on subs) & yes he helps with her after work but I have to make it through 8-12 hours a day on my own. I need to find a way to make this manageable but at the same time I just want to get this over with. Any suggestions? I would like to stop taking the suboxone completely & immediately but I've tried & failed many times in the past.View 12 Replies
I have been on suboxone off and on for 5 years full time for 3 years I am still on two 8 mg strips a day when I started I was on 4 strips a day so I have tapered some in the past couple years . I became on suboxone because I was put on pain pills for a long time by a dr and I found after a couple years I had a addiction to them and couldn't function without the pain pills so I put myself in suboxone clinic. Suboxone even though it's a addiction itself however has saved my life and gave me back a functioning life to where I can work and do everyday things . The past 6 to 8 months I started noticing that I have had fluid retention in my knees and legs at first I thought to much pop or two much salt or even to long standing . Now I have came to the point my belly swelled just like I'm 5 months pregnant and my legs swelling so bad they hurt and if you touch them they indent and stay that way . I am just wondering if anybody else has went through this fluid retention this bad ??? And what can you do about it because I no at this point I can't go cold turkey off suboxone I wish I could . Also I have had blood work done in liver and full panel it came back normal so I guess that's good but i fill as if my kidneys and bowels are not working right . I also have constipation all the time .. Can that cause the fluid retention ?View 1 Replies
I've been taking 10mg norco for about one year I had got them for a broken leg after about 4 months I was taking them just to get high and I'm up to about 10 a day and everyone was seeing a change in me so I quit cold turkey and I'm on night three and I'm so sick and my lower back is killing me and I'm going crazy with my thoughts and all my problems are hitting me 100 times harder everyone is different.View 6 Replies
Does this help? If so what is your dosage?View 8 Replies
I have been taking 150 mcg fentanyl for 4 years and I need advice to get offView 2 Replies
I am detoxing from chemical substances and am very tired how long before this will passView 2 Replies
Has any one every taken detox meds? If so which ones?View 3 Replies
I am on day three of detoxing off hydros and I don't know how much more of this I can take I feel like I want to give in so I will not feel like this....how much longer is this going to last?View 1 Replies
I am currently on day six of Norco withdrawal. I was taking 5-6 5's a day. I feel better than I did on day 1-4 but still not feeling all that great. Will I start to feel better soon?View 25 Replies
My gp has told me that i will b on meth for the rest of my life,i don't agree with him so im looking to get a second opinion on this .I was as high as 180 ml p/day ,i am now on 75ml p/day i am feeling stable but when i go lower i feel it but not as bad with the help of diazepam.i want to get down to at least 40 ml to get on the subs so i don't have to take that fairy liquid anymore.View 3 Replies