Anxiety :: Klonopin Making Me Severely Depressed


Mar 2, 2015

Ive been on klonopin for about ten months now and the for the last two months i've become severely depressed. I've never had depression ever. I've suffered from anxiety attacks and this stuff worked for a while but then started to seem to have negative effects. They've been unbearable. Bad thoughts and hopelessness are a cpl to name a few. I tried two tapers of it and find i can come off it. It's been a nightmare. 1st taper was a quarter of a pill 1mg. Then a few weeks later i stabilized had gotten .5s and started takin em twice a day still at a total of 1 mg and with a pill cutter was taking 6.25 percent off a pill and was having horrible nightmares to the point i was afraid to go to sleep. I dunno *** is happening to me but i feel like im losing my mind.

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Depression :: Depressed, Got Better, Depressed Again

HOW IT STARTED:

Yes, I was one of those annoying people who all the teachers liked.

Once, one of my professors even told me I was one of the "golden children" of my year. I suppose I worked so hard to get good grades because all my life I had been encouraged and enabled to do my best. I was used to success. In college I even overcame my shyness and gained a lot of good friends and a handful of real, true friends who I deeply care for. I had a part-time job in my fiend that I worked between classes, and I was looking forward to continuing my upward climb to success.

So when I lost my out-of-college job because the company had a financial catastrophe that made it impossible for them to hire me, I figured, "Hey, I'll just get another job and move on with my life. No big."

But almost a year later I still didn't have a job, and because I'm inherently introverted I had lost touch with most of my friends because they were all too far away to see in person and I'm terrible at keeping up with social media. I was living at home with my parents, sleeping in the spare bed in my sisters' room, and slowly realizing that all the people who were "Looking forward to seeing me succeed in the future" were going to be direly disappointed in me.

FIRST WAVE:

New Year 2013 brought on odd feelings. I still had hope that things would improve, but they consistently didn't. I lost a few big freelance clients that I was counting on because I made a few dumb mistakes, and that made things worse. I started crying in the bathroom for "no reason," not understanding why I was feeling so down and out when I still had potential, I just wasn't living up to it yet.

Fast forward a few months and I had basically given up on myself. I believed I was a loser, someone who had let down the many people who had trusted me with their wisdom and advice. I wasn't one of the "golden children," I was a pathetic fake who couldn't even call someone on the phone without feeling incredibly anxious, much less actually interview for a job. All the confidence I'd gained in college was gone and I felt even less sure of myself than I did in high school.

It was like the "real me" got locked in a room somewhere and I couldn't find her.

My mom noticed I was moody and finally confronted me about it, but instead of helping it only made me feel like she was even more disappointed in me and fed my unconfidence even more. Then, one day, after my mom got angry at me once again for being unable to communicate my real thoughts because I was so confused myself, my dad came out and let me sit there and cry until I had composed myself enough to speak. He was calm enough to keep me relatively calm and we discovered that the depression was probably coming from a few different sources. I was feeling lonely without my friends. I was back in my childhood home and reverting to the unconfident person I used to be. I was disappointed in myself and projecting imagined feelings of disappointment from others onto myself. I never got out of the house so I felt isolated. I wasn't making a steady income and that was stressing me out. Etc.

I decided to stop freelancing full time and get a job so I could at least get out of the house, make a steady income, and be around people. But after several interviews that were just awful because I either didn't have enough qualifications for that particular job or because I was having an off day and feeling really socially awkward, I didn't get any of the jobs.

SECOND WAVE:

I revamped my hope. But then it got crushed.

I'm still not as bad as I was last year, but I'm starting to feel like randomly crying again and sometimes my skin feels like it's going to wriggle off with how much I just want to get out of my house. I'm so afraid that I'm going to delve back into self-loathing-ville again, and I know that I sabotage myself when I'm like that. I so do not want to lost this tiny bit of momentum I've achieved, but I can't make things move faster. I can't get a job any faster, I can't get a car until I have money from a job, I can't get a job sometimes because I don't already have a car, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm going crazy.

SO...

I know a lot of people around my age are going through things like this but for my particular situation does anyone know how to help me push through until things improve? I'm getting so tired of feeling so bad and I'm losing my energy trying to keep going. My parents are enabling me to stay home and do nothing but I don't want to stay home and do nothing! I want to get a job and be independent and have autonomy and start becoming who I used to be again so I can be a confident, awesome person! AAH!

Also, right now I'm not feeling so bad so I have a sense of humor, but in an hour or so I might be curled up in the bathroom crying into a towel so no one will hear me. I got on this forum in the first place because my skin was feeling antsy and I wanted to get away so badly and I wanted to know if other people felt the same way. Crazy mood swings, anyone?

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im already on medication for migraines and gp has now put me on paramax... had a migraine yest so took my first tablet must admit made me very sleepy but woke with no side effect from migraine can only describe it as bad hangover effect 

anyone else take paramax??

 

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Is it a case of 'it will get worse before it gets better' and I should wait it out for an improvement? Or is this a sign that Oxytetracycline isn't for me and should I go back to my GP even though it's only been 2 week?

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I don't sleep properly still. I've been diagnosed with severe depression.

The drug makes me very very angry at the slightest thing.

I go nuts and throw things, swear at friends and family.

Things I would never normally do.

However, there has been one upside.

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