Depression :: Am I Depressed? Hollow And Almost Empty - Emotionless
Oct 9, 2013
I'm 17. This has been on my mind for a long time now but I'm too scared to speak to anyone face to face at the moment because I think they might think I'm being dramatic. I think I'm depressed and I don't know whether to go and see my GP. I have felt this way since I was about 14/15 and can't remember feeling any different since then. I just feel hollow and almost empty, I don't even feel sad anymore just emotionless. At times it is worse for example when I get into arguments with my parents but apart from that I just feel the same every single day and it is so tiring. I feel mentally exhausted from doing nothing, if that's possible? I also feel so so tired all the time and feel as if I have absolutely no energy whatsoever. I'm currently studying for my A levels and this means that I have quite a lot of free periods. I spent these at home sleeping if I can. All I want to do is sleep. I also have quite bad skin and this makes me feel disgusting and not want to even get out of bed, brush my teeth, wash my hair and go to school. When I am in school and around my friends I feel slightly better than when I am at home, I can get along with them and try not to be moody. At home I hardly speak and when I do it's either being moody towards my mum and being unintentionally mean to my sister. This all makes me feel very guilty. I also have a boyfriend of 2 years and I don't feel as excited/happy when I go to see him anymore, I have completely lost interest in having sex and I feel this may also be due to be feeling very fat and ugly. I always question why he is with me or why he likes me when I am so ugly. I don't know what to do. I have so much more to say but I've said the main things that are causing me problems. This is interfering with my life, I have an ambition to become a psychologist but that means going to uni and that means getting good grades. Good grades need motivation, energy and a good frame of mind yet I'm completely lacking in these things.
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i am in a lot of pain i'm on so many medications but nothing will make the pain go away. lately i've been so depressed all i want to do is take whatever i can that will make me sleep. i only sleep around 2 hours a day but if it's a new or different medication i can take it 2 or3 days before my system gets use to it i cant be alone with my grand babies because i'm so scared of the mood swings i don't want to hurt them or their little feelings i am miserable i'm nothing without my grand babies they are the only reason i haven't sliced my wrist all i think about is different ways i can end this miserable life i have had so many bad things happen to me when will i ever get a break the only time i can forget my life for a few hours is to escape into tv programs at least the ones that will hold my attention i'm on so many medications that i'm just empty inside everyday i think of a reason not to end this nothing life maybe god will give me a do over im two months i will be homeless i have nowhere where to go with no income i am in so much pain i can't even whole down a job i don't know what i'm going to do im so scared i am a beardom on my children my son just took on a second job to pay for my meds and take care of his family i feel so bad u.
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HOW IT STARTED:
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Yes, I was one of those annoying people who all the teachers liked.
Once, one of my professors even told me I was one of the "golden children" of my year. I suppose I worked so hard to get good grades because all my life I had been encouraged and enabled to do my best. I was used to success. In college I even overcame my shyness and gained a lot of good friends and a handful of real, true friends who I deeply care for. I had a part-time job in my fiend that I worked between classes, and I was looking forward to continuing my upward climb to success.
So when I lost my out-of-college job because the company had a financial catastrophe that made it impossible for them to hire me, I figured, "Hey, I'll just get another job and move on with my life. No big."
But almost a year later I still didn't have a job, and because I'm inherently introverted I had lost touch with most of my friends because they were all too far away to see in person and I'm terrible at keeping up with social media. I was living at home with my parents, sleeping in the spare bed in my sisters' room, and slowly realizing that all the people who were "Looking forward to seeing me succeed in the future" were going to be direly disappointed in me.
New Year 2013 brought on odd feelings. I still had hope that things would improve, but they consistently didn't. I lost a few big freelance clients that I was counting on because I made a few dumb mistakes, and that made things worse. I started crying in the bathroom for "no reason," not understanding why I was feeling so down and out when I still had potential, I just wasn't living up to it yet.
Fast forward a few months and I had basically given up on myself. I believed I was a loser, someone who had let down the many people who had trusted me with their wisdom and advice. I wasn't one of the "golden children," I was a pathetic fake who couldn't even call someone on the phone without feeling incredibly anxious, much less actually interview for a job. All the confidence I'd gained in college was gone and I felt even less sure of myself than I did in high school.
It was like the "real me" got locked in a room somewhere and I couldn't find her.
My mom noticed I was moody and finally confronted me about it, but instead of helping it only made me feel like she was even more disappointed in me and fed my unconfidence even more. Then, one day, after my mom got angry at me once again for being unable to communicate my real thoughts because I was so confused myself, my dad came out and let me sit there and cry until I had composed myself enough to speak. He was calm enough to keep me relatively calm and we discovered that the depression was probably coming from a few different sources. I was feeling lonely without my friends. I was back in my childhood home and reverting to the unconfident person I used to be. I was disappointed in myself and projecting imagined feelings of disappointment from others onto myself. I never got out of the house so I felt isolated. I wasn't making a steady income and that was stressing me out. Etc.
I decided to stop freelancing full time and get a job so I could at least get out of the house, make a steady income, and be around people. But after several interviews that were just awful because I either didn't have enough qualifications for that particular job or because I was having an off day and feeling really socially awkward, I didn't get any of the jobs.
I revamped my hope. But then it got crushed.
I'm still not as bad as I was last year, but I'm starting to feel like randomly crying again and sometimes my skin feels like it's going to wriggle off with how much I just want to get out of my house. I'm so afraid that I'm going to delve back into self-loathing-ville again, and I know that I sabotage myself when I'm like that. I so do not want to lost this tiny bit of momentum I've achieved, but I can't make things move faster. I can't get a job any faster, I can't get a car until I have money from a job, I can't get a job sometimes because I don't already have a car, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm going crazy.
I know a lot of people around my age are going through things like this but for my particular situation does anyone know how to help me push through until things improve? I'm getting so tired of feeling so bad and I'm losing my energy trying to keep going. My parents are enabling me to stay home and do nothing but I don't want to stay home and do nothing! I want to get a job and be independent and have autonomy and start becoming who I used to be again so I can be a confident, awesome person! AAH!
Also, right now I'm not feeling so bad so I have a sense of humor, but in an hour or so I might be curled up in the bathroom crying into a towel so no one will hear me. I got on this forum in the first place because my skin was feeling antsy and I wanted to get away so badly and I wanted to know if other people felt the same way. Crazy mood swings, anyone?
I'm a 60 year old woman and I really cant cope with the fact that I'm old and gaining weight. I just cant stop eating chocolate and other snacks it's really hopeless...I so wish I was dead, this time a year ago I weight 10 kg less and the last year I have seen my body change so much.I wish I could lose weight.
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I'm a 20 year old guy...I'm at a point in my life where ive realised that i had to get rid of my old friends in order to be happy.My old friends were all losers,they were all pessimistic,never got girls,always complained,never wanted to go to parties etc. I live in greece and during summer its really beuatiful here,lots of people,lots of parties and fun..All those summers i spent with my old friends and them compaining that in order to get laid or be accepted in a group you have to be "in" or have a car,a hot body,money etc.We never did anything..Just moaning and complaining...Whenever i was with them i always dreamed of being somewhere else..With other people,doing trips around the beautiful beaches,go to parties etc. I decided i have to get rid of them because i want to make a new start in my life.. The thing is im completely alone at the moment..And its making me really depressed..Depressed because now im alone with my thoughts....Where should i meet new people?? I want to meet optimistic,outgoing people...I don't want to look back
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been depressed for 7 months. going through withdrawals of effexor. been tried on different antidepressants. now on prozac for 1 week.
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been on venlafaxine for 17 years. dr.took me off in three days. i think i was taken down to fast. been off since oct. still feel real depressed is my main concern. i am taking prozac for the last three weeks. anyone have any suggestions for me
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I am writing to you as I feel I need to talk to somebody. I am 24 and finished a double degree in business last year. I started my degree in my hometown and did an exchange through my university which meant the last two years of my degree were to be finished in France. I moved there at 21 to study. Finished my studies last year and decided to stay for an undetermined period of time. So I lived in Paris for a year and could not find a career job. I eventually found a bar job and I worked 4 nights a week from about 7pm til 5am every night. I would work nights and sleep until past noon. I would have about 4 hours to myself at home to run errands or go out on walks, see friends, visit places in the day, and then I would go to work again in the evenings. I formed strong bonds with my colleagues, and had many new friends. We would always spend time together outside of work. We became one big group and were all fairly close. But after a few months, it all became a routine. I would not get out of bed until I would have to go to work again. I would apply for career jobs here and there but I was quite comfortable where I was. Around me, I would see my ex-uni colleagues get great jobs, enrol in masters' degrees and travel the world for amazing job opportunities. I'm not really a jealous person, but every time I would see someone succeed, I would feel less and less worthy. This year I realised I was and still am depressed. I think I've been feeling this way for about a year. I feel worthless, incapable of working in a job the old me would've liked. I have no motivation for anything whatsoever. All I want to do is stay in bed and watch TV all day and repeat the next day. I feel like if I engage in something, I will fail. I loathe myself, inside and out. Sometimes I think I should just disappear. I feel sad all the time, I'm tired all day, every day. I hate the way I talk, act, look and behave. I don't think there is one thing that I like about myself physically and emotionally. I have good friends, but they don't know about any of my thoughts. I always sit and imagine a different life for me. But I don't see past tomorrow. I don't really care about anything, or anyone. I don't go out too much, when I do, I feel like I'm doing it so I don't upset my friends. I am the quiet person of the group. I feel awkward around people I don't know very well, and I tend to avoid parties or social gatherings where I don't have to be at, out of obligation. In august this year I quit my job in Paris and moved back to my hometown. I was getting sick of living like this there. I now live at home with my parents. Ever since I came back in september, I've been looking for jobs. I've had very few call-backs, but I just let the call go to voicemail, because I'm scared to talk to that potential employer. I'm scared I will make a fool of myself. I'm scared I'm not good enough, not motivated enough, not capable. I don't see how I could be an asset to a company. I don't think I'd be any good. My parents constantly compare me to my older brother who is doing great at work! I hate this. But then again, I have no interest in doing anything for myself. I just want to go and hide somewhere forever. Being back here is ok, it wasn't my first choice, it was my last resort. I still wish I would live in Europe somewhere. I feel trapped, guilty and ugly. I feel like I have nothing good to offer, like I don't add any value to anything. I don't know what to do anymore, I thought feeling so apathetic and numb was normal. Just a part of finding yourself. But I'm so lost that I don't see how I could ever find myself, because there is nothing to find. I'm so frustrated and angry all the time. At everything, nothing pleases me, nothing phases me. I'm really bored. I feel like I'm just wasting everybody's time. I personally, don't have time to waste, because I don't really care about my time. I'm just so sick of life. I feel like I bring nothing good, and I feel guilty because my parents care about me, but I don't care about anything. I've been applying to a lot of jobs, but never call anyone back as I think they could tell that I'm useless. I hope you can give me some pointers of what I'm doing wrong. I'm just sick of being in this rut. Maybe this is just me, and nothing really excites me as much as a normal person. But I'm so bored in life. I don everything on auto-pilot, and when I'm anywhere, all I can think about is how to get home quicker and be on my own. There's really nothing I look forward to, other than being in bed, when I'm not in bed. I know there is so much to do out there, but I find none of it exciting, I would rather be inside than go exploring nature, or go to the beach.
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im 21 years old and have been depressed since i was 13. so i went through high school and 3 years of university depressed and havent been able to really make any friends because of this. and now not having friends i feel like keeps me stuck in my room all the time because i dont have anyone to see or do anything with. this all just makes me more depressed...
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well at the end of December 2011, i entered a psychosis that came from my cannabis use. before the psychosis i wasn't the brightest kid or even the most social or happiest, but i knew how to keep myself busy.
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So anyway, i was taken into a mental ward for my psychosis and i remained there for 11 weeks. during thins time i was put on the medication risperdal and oxazepam. my psychosis lasted for about 2 months and after i was just left with emptiness. needless to say this was the start of my emotions going blank. in this type of place there a quite an amount of people and it just seems to be polite to talk to one another. However i never felt the need to converse and i was emotionless. i could never find the right words to respond to someone and even now i'm having trouble finding words to type.
after the almost three months in the ward, i was finally released home. shortly after i began see a psychiatrist for medication and status checkups. he took me off oxazepam but kept me on risperdal he informed me that i would have to take the medication for about two years.
anyway, my real reason for being here is i wanted to know if my emotions will ever return after i am taken off the medication. i did some research and some say the emptiness stems from negative symptoms of psychosis, and some say its the effect of the medication. Furthermore i read that some who were taken off the risperdal have yet to return to how they once were. this is very frustrating. I just feel a lack of pleasure and even things that are supposed to bring pleasure, such as smoking cigarettes, are currently doing nothing for me. i don't even get lightheaded from smoking them anymore. i also have no sexual cravings or do i get pleasure from sexual intercourse anymore. i would also like to know how many others are in a similar situation.
I was 17 when I started smoking cannabis daily and smoked quite a lot a day, I'm now 27 I never missed a day in that 10 years that I didn't smoke... I gave up smoking it 6 months ago and I still can't remember what happens the day before and am always having fights with my girlfriend cause I'm always not bothered about anything and seem to have a massive lack of emotion. I don't want to be like this and was the main reason I gave up, I was never like this before I smoked and thought that it was just the fact I was smoking that made me like it, now I've quit for 6 months and don't feel any different, I still feel light headed at times have blurred vision and can't concentrate on anything longer than 5 mins and forget important things all the time, I really feel like I have screwed my brain up and I'm scared I will never get back to normal, i so wish I never smoked in the first place... I was like everyone else and thought the entire time that cannabis was harmless and that I'm just lazy and emotionless because I was still smoking and that if I stopped it would all go back to normal, well It hasn't so far!!! About 3 months ago I found out my sister had breast cancer my parents and everyone were shocked and scared for her, I didn't feel anything and knew this isn't right and it scared me, I love my sister but I just can't seem to feel any emotions... So I guess what I'm asking is has anyone ever gone through this and eventually it does all go back to normal or have I screwed my life up and now i'm an emotionless zombie?
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im 16 and have been on flu 20 mg for 6 weeks. i feel as though im able to act more normally on this stuff, but inside i still feel empty and hopeless. Does fluoxetine help these crushing feelings or is it aimed at just reducing the symptoms like crying, tiredness, lack of concentration? losing faith at the moment, wondering if you had any useful comments?
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I have been suffering from pain and a swollen feeling down the shaft of my penis for 2 months now, along with this it is red and puffy at times around my penis glans, I have seen a doctor 5 times and been cleared of any STI but still no joy. It is worse just after sex and becomes very sore and red.
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Also after I urinate I can't empty my penis fully without having to squeeze it out, it feels like the shaft of my penis is swollen.
For the last couple of weeks, I’ve had this uncomfortable feeling of not being able to empty my bladder completely. I also have a delay of hesitation when I’m urinating. I told my doctor about that, and he said that I probably have BPH or chronic prostatitis. I’m not sure what’s the difference between those two conditions.
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I've had hemorrhoids for over 10 years now, though they rarely cause me any bother. Most of the time, I'm affected by the piles that you can feel on the surface of your derriere (the 'bag' type that you often have to push back in). However, rarely, I also seem to get the 'golf-ball' sensation hemorrhoids (I'm not sure if they are technically the same type) whereby you feel like you have a small ball lodged up your butt, that can occasionally be painful too. It's this type I'm actually suffering from at the moment, but my main problem is that it's been affecting how I pee for well over a week now.
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When I urinate I find I can't push all the way (I believe because of the hemorrhoids), and so I'm unable to fully empty my bladder when I go to the toilet. This gives me the sensation of wanting to urinate a lot more, sometimes constantly. I've had this before, so I imagine it's a symptom of piles, though it's never happened to me for so long. Has anyone shared this experience? I've found very little mention of hemorrhoids affecting urination on the Internet
I Had a repair to mucosal part of rectum a week ago.. i am quite a lot of pain at the moment every time I try to wee the rectum comes down and a keep popping small stools which cause lots of pain I now cannot empty bladder properly and have a uti i seem to I In more pain not less. I have just gone on all fours on floor to try and wee and poo was there for 30 mins with pain from rectum and bladder. I eventually passed wee and poo....now still in pain at 3.40 am. So fed up ..don't know what to do with myself. Thinking of going on a liquid only diet to take strain.
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Is clinical depression such as in bipolar disorder ever get better on its own or does it require lifelong medications?
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So I really didn't know where or how else to express this but this seems like a good place. To be honest, I have a great life. I absolutely love my job, have amazing friends and my home life is wonderful. I'm not to happy about being a little overweight but guess what? I'm hitting the gym and have already lost 5 lbs. In the money department I'm doing okay, could always be better but I'm paying my bills and saving where I can.
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Yesterday I woke up exhilarated and ready to take on the world. I had a great day at work and a good work out. This morning I woke up completely depressed and bummed out. I have no idea why this happening. I honestly have no reason to be upset or depressed yet I just wanted to crawl into a hole or be invisible all day long and just had this feeling of depressed all day long, even as I'm writing this.
This seems to happen to me a lot! Sometimes it's like the example above and sometimes it can be multiple times a day. I'll go for a couple hours feeling blessed and happy and then out of nowhere it goes away and I'm depressed and feel like I want to disappear. This can go back and forth several times in a day sometimes.
I'm not sure if I'm just nuts or if this is normal. Anyways, I figured I'd put up a post and see what you all have to say. If you're the same way, if you've gotten any good advice. Thanks for taking the time to read though.
I have been on meds for just over a year now, tsh now down to 0.62 was 69 when diagnosed have made lifestyle changes as in reduced working hours started on 150mg then put down to 100mg now back up to 125 mg I do feel better but still get very tired and anxious about the silliest of things almost paranoid have no self confidence or sex drive (just as well I'm single) have zero interest in a social life and will make any excuse to avoid going out apart from going to work, the mother of ones of my sons friends is hypo and her gp prescribed antidepressants alongside her meds just wondered if anyone has any thoughts on this due to see GP again next week and thinking of asking if I may have a touch of depression.
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This friend I had she stayed with me and my boyfriend for a week and a half because she broke up with her boyfriend. She really hurt me badly. She told me and my boyfriend that she needed a break from her boyfriend and then she starts calling him and going back to his place to spend quality time with him. She does not keep to her word she said she was going to go out for Easter with me and my boyfriend and her young son then she changes it and says that she is going to spend Easter with her boyfriend and son. This girl does not know what she wants. She leaves him every time they fight and then she gets back together with him.
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My boyfriend and i heard her say that she was back with her boyfriend so yesterday we asked her to leave
She told me all i do is tell stories which i do not and she called me a bitch.
We opened our place to this girl and her son and it hurts me so much i could not even sleep at all last night. I was crying, I was angry and hurt and this is the second time she hurt me because last year she harassed me over the phone and said verbally abusive stuff to me last year in texts messages to me to where i had to take her to court
After all that i have done and been good to her she treats me and my boyfriend like dirt and it hurts
It hurts so much The her boyfriend goes to the same mental health facility me and my boyfriend goes too and I don't want to go back there at all while he is there because he has caused me pain too and my boyfriend does not like that
I have been crying all night and just so angry i don't understand why she does this to me and my boyfriend
I have suicidal thoughts every day, real vivid ones, I know where, when, how etc. sometimes I cry and I'm not sure why and when i start it can be hours till I've stopped completely, I don't mean all out bawling btw, just teary really, but that's the bad days most the time I feel fairly content, I can laugh and joke and go out with friends. I think I've lost my purpose in life I feel like I don't know why I'm here or what I'm meant to do but I don't feel what I imagine depression to feel like.
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Throughout this though the good and bad I think of suicide every day like I said but every thought ends with me being found in time, ends with me being saved.
Do you think I need help and if so where do you go and what do you say? I'm not good at expressing myself or talking to people, none of friends or family know I feel this way. Is this normal ?
Do I just need to man up and get on with life?