Substance Abuse :: Oxycodone Withdrawal


May 4, 2016

I need some guidance.  I've always been a responsible person with a good job and good morals. A few years ago my boyfriend was using pain pills regularly. If I had a bad migraine or something he would give me one. I never thought I was in danger of addiction.  I've never had an addictive personality. Well I began to use recreationally occasionally.  Like take one every couple months at an event or something like that.  

Nearly two years ago my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. I was devastated. She died 3 months later and it destroyed me. Absolutely destroyed me.  Being a late stage cancer patient, she had thousands of 10mg oxycodone around.  I took all of her medication and began taking it regularly. I now realize it's because of the anti anxiety effects they had.  I knew it was wrong and I was upset w myself but I was so caught up in grief I didn't care. I took up to 4 a day.. Sometimes 2 a day, and other than knowing it wasn't right, I really didn't think it effected my life. It gave me more energy when I couldn't even get out of bed..and it made me feel like living. A couple weeks ago I realized I was going to run out.  So I had to make a decision.  Find a way to get more, or quit. I chose to let them run out.  I knew my boyfriend went through withdrawal when he quit so I was expecting some kind of withdrawal, but I was never prepared for this. I took the last dose Sunday (today is Wednesday). Monday I didn't feel good but I didn't think much of it.  

Monday night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night.. My legs felt restless and I couldn't seem to find the right temperature. I went from hot to cold in a nanosecond.

I still didn't realize this was withdrawal. I thought it was just anxiety.  Tuesday was hell. I work full time so I went into work feeling like I had the flu. I assumed it was because I didn't get any sleep. I've battled w insomnia since my mom got sick so I still didn't put it together.  I had no energy during and after work. I had no appetite. I got diarrhea so I thought I had a bug, having never read up on withdrawal.  The thought of going from the parlor to the bathroom seemed like an impossible task. I tried to go to bed early and tossed and turned.  My legs felt like they were on fire. I couldn't keep still. I had full blown chills and was drenched in sweat. I was hot and cold and sweating and miserable. I fell asleep for about 15 minutes and woke up drenched, and I mean drenched in sweat. I may have gotten another hour sleep after that. I began to realize that it was possible this could be withdrawal and made a note to check the symptoms tomorrow at work. So here is day 3. I'm miserable. I feel like I was hit by a bus and have the worst flu of my life. I looked up the symptoms and was shocked to see that I had been experiencing precisely what cold turkey withdrawal is. Over the counter sleep aids haven't helped at all.

Nobody in the world knows I was using these pills so nobody knows what I'm going through. I was debating trying Xanax to help me sleep but read up on benzodiazepines and they seem worse than opiates. Since I became addicted to pain pills, I can no longer trust myself w narcotics and don't know if I should use the Xanax to try and get sleep. I don't know how many more days of work I can take without sleep and don't have a day off coming until Sunday.

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I have been on oxycodone prescribed for 5 years 30 milligrams 4 times a day. I would say three years have been nothing but a struggle to not run out of my meds every month. I am going in to see my doctor on Friday to put me on a 12-hour extended-release narcotic, I have had two major back surgeries and I'm not eligible for a third one because of so much scarring around the surgical site. The last 3 days I've been taking 6 oxy's which is 180 milligrams a day. My script doesn't get refilled until the 24th and I only have 12 pills left. My question is if I wean off of 180 milligram down to 30 milligrams or 60 milligrams is this dangerous question mark my second question is if I am put on a Time release narcotic will that help the withdrawals from running out of the oxycodone. I have read so many stories on here that are identical to my story and it makes me feel better than I'm not alone but I do feel all alone and I know this is a crazy crazy drug and I didn't even know anything about pills until I had my back surgeries and now I'm one of the people that are drastically hooked. This is the first time I'll have ran out 7 days early, I've ran out 2 and 3 days before but never 7 and I'm very scared about it and I'm hoping this time release narcotic will help me. It's nice to know after reading all of these forums for years that I am not alone when it comes to this issue but at the same time I feel alone. I never ever thought I would have an addiction problem to Pills and I actually don't have an addiction problem to any other pills it's just the oxycodones, I love them more than life and I can't live without them and it's terrifying to me. So any help would be appreciate it so much.

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Substance Abuse :: I'm Surviving ROA Correction

To everyone who has given me support and advice, I have not insufflated any of my pills since Wednesday.  I had planned to do my pills intranasally for the last time Tuesday, and start the withdrawal process Wednesday, but I had too many necessary errands Wednesday, so Thursday, yesterday, was my first day not insufflating my pills.  I have only gotten two hours of sleep, can't think straight, am not even driving, have the chills, fever (and then my temp goes below normal), sweating, cold and hot, very loose bowels, but so far no serious nausea or vomiting.  I am experiencing the burning in my neck, arms and upper back (which may be a symptom unique to me due to my history with shingles?).  Though the burning may be a common withdrawal symptom, I don't know.  I definitely have insomnia.  I have been taking Benadryl and Tylenol PM for the cold symptoms.  So far, I haven't gotten the shingles again.  I did get some little blisters on the fingerprint side of my index finger, and other skin reaction on my hands, like stress--induced eczema.  Stress causes skin reactions on me, like hives, etc.  I know I'm a lightweight, and others may handle this better--after all I am swallowing three pills a day, I didn't go cold turkey, like others, but I know my body and knew I wouldn't be safe to even drive.
I got a cervical steroid epidural Monday, which I thought would help, and it does help big-time with pain. However, where the steroid injections usually trigger a slight manic reaction with me (I have been diagnosed "hypomanic" and "manic depressives manic type"  and "ADHD, hyperactive, impulsive type" and PTSD) this time the injection seemed to put me in a mixed state.  I was really, really agitated and anxious, to the point I thought I might need to get some anti-anxiety medication.  My cousin brought over a Xanax and a joint, and a bottle of vodka.  For some reason, I just don't feel like adding more chemicals to my poor brain.  And since I haven't wanted a cigarette since I quit insufflating pills, I slapped a nicotine patch on Thursday, and haven't smoked a cigarette either.  I want to remember all of this torture so I am never tempted to insufflate another pill.  All the years my pharmacy gave me the Endo tamper resistant silicone encased Opana pills I was never tempted to try the tedious procedure of preparing them for insufflation which I read about online.  People actually go thru a lot of work to insufflate or even inject the tamper resistant Opanas.  I read about a lung disease from doing so, and a blood disease from injecting them. And what I read horrified me.  Then, within a matter of months of receiving the generic Opanas, oxymorphone pills, I started insufflating them.  I was in a lot of pain, knew insufflation raised the 10% bioavailability significantly, so I did it, telling myself just this one time.  I am no different than the other people trying to relieve their pain.  I have to be honest with myself.  I have displayed addictive behavior, and played fast and loose with my life.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that doing pills intranasally that are made to be swallowed puts one at risk for lung infection or worse.  I need to be honest with myself, address my addictive behavior, and not sweep it under the denial rug (so to speak).  If members of my immediate family knew, I would be in a treatment center so fast my head would spin.  As VICourageous or Vic595 said: "We are only as sick as our darkest secrets" and I remember that term from AA.  Also, I thank Gnarly_1 and Vic595 for pointing out I had crossed the line from dependence onto addiction when I started insufflating my pills.  I am sure I would still be telling myself I am only dependent on my pills and they just crushed themselves and flew up my nose, because they could, and it helped my pain more.  Yeah, love myself to death, literally.
I know I will feel worse before I feel better, but I am doing the right thing.  I can't think straight enough now to quote Gnarly_1, but he said something about getting completely off pain medication to assess my real pain level, etc. and I will be re-reading that too.  I know I have been rambling.  My head is hurting, but this discomfort won't kill me like the path I was on.  Thank all of you.  God sent me to Med-Help.  Maybe some day when I can think clearly I will be able to help someone else too.  I will be back.

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