Do I Have Post-Traumatic Stress? Tired, Mentally And Emotionally Drained
Jul 21, 2013
I feel like I'm on the outside of everything. I don't feel much of anything, most of the time, and I always just want to be alone because I feel I have to pretend in front of other people. I've been through awful things during my life, the most recent being the loss of two beloved pets within 4 months of each other. Yes, I consider their passing to be awful. I've been through cancer, abuse, abandonment, etc. My earliest memory is witnessing my mother being beaten by my father.
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I'm not a miserable, unhappy person, normally. Lately, I just haven't been able to feel or care about much. I'm tired. Mentally and emotionally drained. I have zero energy for other people, which saddens me deeply. Often, all I want is to be left alone to stare at the wall or bury myself under the covers.
Maybe it's depression, but the reason I suspect some kind of PTSD is because my brain feels as though there's a block that prevents me from processing any new experiences. I don't know how to explain it...it's like wanting to run from the room, covering my ears with my hands to keep from hearing any bad news or having to deal with anything unpleasant.
I think I am losing my mind. I am a 37 year old female firefighter married to a firefighter. I have been doing this type of work for nearly 18 years. This morning, I got my 3 older kids off to school and came in and started reading the news. Long story short, I heard mayday calls from Boston's 9 alarm fire and I think I had a panic attack from there. I had problems hearing initially, everything sounded like it was far away. I was cold, chattering teeth shortly after, then I threw up. It has been a downhill spiral since. My husband thinks this is all related to a ceiling collapse I went through in November. He think PTSD is at play. But I really have never felt any anxiety over that after getting out. So I'm not sure. I don't know what to do but every minute is longer then the last and I feel fear that is making it hard to breathe. I don't know what to do.
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I am too scared to ask my psychologist about this, i have been having flashbacks for a long time now of sexual assault when i was much younger (ages 3 to 5 most likely). they can be triggered by events or come out of nowhere. i am feeling a bit better now, but for about a month it felt like i was having non-stop back-to-back panic attacks because of this.
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i can remember the event but i still have a lot of doubt and feel like my mind is tricking me into thinking that it's real. i've told my psychologist, but i don't want to right out ask if this is ptsd. i really just want something to call this.
The first twenty years of my life had a variety of chronic torture & abuse. As a child my home life constantly shifted and alcohol, physical and mental violence was the order of the day. I felt wholly unworthy as a person to be alive. It drove me into drug addiction for eight years. Within the first year, the dealer and his friends cornered me into the back of his shop and raped me, protracting the incident over three days. My addiction exploded and it forced me into dealing with the rapist for a length of time after the incident occurred. I did not develop PTSD at the time, my drug addiction was becoming life threatening and I spent the next twelve years in and out of rehab until I finally one day carved out a functional routine for myself. Life became better, I worked in a shop, got creatively involved and got married (Although I was never able to fall pregnant). Years later we decided to immigrate to Australia. My husband collided with the culture from day one. Within a short period of time he became manic. We had just given everything up and returning back would be security suicide I felt, so I found work, moved us out. My husband tormented me for the next two years until it exploded one afternoon with police coming to arrest him. In the last days of my time in Australia I worked abnormally long hours to pay migration costs, as I wouldn't be able to, once returning to South Africa in an unemployed state.
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Landing back in S.A I was hit with the chronic diabetic condition of my mother, who had not gone to one doctor about her condition. I dug in to get her health back to a manageable level for almost a year before I found employment and finally moved out. The nightmare began then. After a court order against my now ex-husband, I landed in a strange town, with new work, where no-one knew me.
Nightmares began to pour into my sleep about the rape that happened over twenty years ago. Functionality levels became dangerously low. I sought help, but without any real finances I was thrown into a system of waiting and small bits of attention here and there. Being alone also didn't help. I had already lost my first job, after flashes bled into my waking hours. A friend came from Australia, three years after my landing back here and saw my condition. These episodes have already taken on a form of torture that has made me terrified to talk about them. Somehow one of the men who raped me, detached themselves into a character that would invade my mind throughout the day and talk to me, telling me of new ways to torture me, that I will never be okay again, that I will always be stuck here. My friend is adamant about me leaving work and seeking help...I am terrified that I will be put away into an institution.
After years of trying to deal with this on my own I finally got help with a diagnosis of PTSD. I was prescribed Hydroxyzine for anxiety and Prazosin for nightmares. I have not taken either yet as I am wary of taking anything...even when the doctor says it will help. Has anyone tried either of these medications?
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My trauma stems from very violent situations a few years ago that are so difficult to talk about I can barely breathe when I even try and get the words out of my mouth. It has left lasting scars both physical and mental that seem a daily reminder or like having a giant necklace of rocks hung around my neck constantly pulling me down.
I was recently diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The difference between C-ptsd and PTSD is that Complex happens over an extended period of time, and usually originates in childhood. Whereas PTSD is typically a one-time traumatic event (such as rape, war, etc).
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After spending my entire life in pain, confusion, and emotionally abusive relationships, I finally have an answer. While it is a big relief, the process of recovery is not easy. I feel like there are two versions of me: The chameleon who has put on a good act and adapted for the sake of everyone else, and the real me, who has been hidden all these years. I'm just now starting to get to know the real me.
This is a relatively new diagnosis, and it didn't make it into the new DSM, but I read where someone said that Complex PTSD is at the core of a great many mental health issues.
I feel so disappointed, simply because nobody told me how much you'd be limited in your activities. They are quick to rush you into the OR, and they tell you how much better you'll feel once it's done. There needs to be a delegated "person/nurse/social worker" person to call and ask about concerns on a certain timeline. Once a month, at first a few times a week. Someone that knows the answers to your questions or can find out w/o actually going in to see the surgeon, a person who can screen when you do and don't need to consult surgeon. That has been trained to know how to deal with post op patients, their worries, frustrations, and pretty much questions. I think follow up is a super important thing...but after your surgery is done, they're on to the next person, and you are a vague memory. At first, you feel so special, especially during the pre op visits, Doctor is all cheerful "So,HOW are YOU today??" After surgery, Doctor is all "why didn't you start PT on this week instead of that week? shaking his head. The friendly guy is gone, and I feel now just a nuisance and I ask specific questions and he actually says "Hmmm, I don't know" - as my hair was all falling out. My GP knew exactly what it was. It just all felt wrong. Do you think your follow up care was as good as the pre op screening, interviews, and care? Did the photos of the scars/incision you saw look a bit like yours? Were you taught how to properly massage the scar to prevent adhesions and help make it less obvious and look better? My scar... sure didn't look like this, which is what I expected.
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i have a very big right leg and the doctor told me it,s lymphoedema, can it be drained take the fluid out.
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I've been feeling weird last few days, cold shivery but I've made myself swim and do yoga....just feel so very low today, its tiring typing this....have a few family stresses....I feel my heart is tired and sore and empty.....don't know whether to rest or go out, I just feel mentally and physically exhausted and very low.....this journey at times is soul destroying....I have two girls to look after and feel like I don't care.....devastated about this journey today...just want to cry.....I want my lovely nurturing caring hormones back, still in peri but periods closer together.
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I have been suffering from ETD since July. Been on several types of sprays, antibiotics etc. to clear this clogged, crackling and sometimes dull earache not to mention my biggest nightmare of ears ringing 24/7. When I wake up it feels like the ringings gone until I get out of bed then it's starts all over again non-stop. Anyway, I woke up this morning with my mouth covered with mucus. I don't have a cold, even if I did it wouldn't be that bad. Could it be that my E tubes have drained out?
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So I know my anxiety increases a lot prior to my period, but is it normal to experience physical symptoms of anxiety without feeling mentally anxious? I guess you can. I posted about digestive problems so that appeared without me actually feeling anxious. It's just unnerving. Yesterday was normal, today I woke up with diarrhea and the shaky feeling inside me. Tonight I feel tingling in my arm and tightness in my shoulders and head. But I don't "feel" anxious. My period is probably just a few days away. This is so hard to deal with!
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I feel like this is another women's issue that no one talks about. I had no idea it could go on for so long and cause such a laundry list of symptoms. Why isn't there more discussion about it? It's like when I went through infertility. Another taboo women's topic.
I have been having joint pain, general body pain, fatigue, depression and anxiety for years. I was dx with fibro about 3 years ago. It was first suspected almost 20 years ago. My mouth and eyes are painfully dry. My lips constantly crack. I recently had a PAP done and the GYN remarked how dry my vagina was (I'm not sexually active so I never noticed).
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I recently saw a rheumatologist here in the State (I had previously seen one in Korea). She did a bunch of blood work. My Vit D was 28 (reference range was 30-70). RF, ANA were negative. CRP not done, but has been elevated in the past (multiple draws over a two year period, but none in the last year). ESR was 58 and has been elevated for 20 years (I went through a lot of blood work in high school and nothing was ever found, but it was with ID, not Rheum).
Rheum was next to useless. She said the sed rate wasn't relevant and that there was no need to worry about the Vit D (which was lower in the past) even though I was taking 2000 IU a day.
After talking to my GP, he had me increase the D supplement to 4000 IU/day. He also wrote me a new referral to a different rheum. This one specializes in seronegative arthritis.
I try to be an informed consumer. Current rheum just wants to throw more pills at the issue without getting to the root of it. It seems like if I go in with a fibro dx, everything must be fibro. How do I approach this new appointment (in September!!) to finally figure things out? This new doctor will be in the UH system as are all my other docs. I think she'll have access to previous lab results, if not I can pull them up in my EMR.
I could use words of wisdom, advice, a kick in the butt (if necessary), etc.
I just had my bartholin's cyst drained two days ago. I know it's healing there is no pain and the swelling has gotten smaller. But! Sometimes it hurts because it's kinda dry and tender and my skin is moving like it might be trying to go back to it original form. Is it normal that it hurts a lot when healing? I'm scared it might be because it's getting worst and not actually healing. Please help!
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I have recently been taking 40mg lipitor meds due to raised cholesterol. I have been on these for several months and recently have noticed that I an physically and mentally exhausted on a daily basis. I feel light headed and nauseas, sometimes I vomit. I have no appetite. I am struggling to complete my daily job and my social life as ended up non existent. I am always tired to the extent of I have a sleep in my car for half hour before going to pick my wife up from work. She finishes an hour later than me. Before I used to come home tidy up do some chores etc. Now there is no chance. Can lipitor side effects actually be this bad? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
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Just a couple weeks ago I had a bump forming right next to my nostril and directly on my cheek. I've had it for over two weeks and just yesterday I had it checked by my doctor and she prescribed me a topical solution ( smells a lot like alcohol) called Clindamycin Phosphate. I've done everything she had mentioned to me as far as putting a warm compress on my face which I have done the past couple nights and later applying the solution. Well, just a while ago as I was searching for some advice, I twitched my nose then all of a sudden I felt a tingle on my face and was in a way relieved to see that the boil had popped! I washed my hands, took a q-tip and just dabbed all the puss and blood out. Not sure if I'm doing anything incorrectly since I can't seem to get all the puss out of it since the bump is still there. I waited it out a bit before washing my face for the rest of the blood to come out since it was still dripping a bit. I gently washed my face with aveeno and waited for it to dry as I later dabbed the solution on the boil which stung like bloody murder >;) ! I'm very worried that this bump will remain on my face as this is the very first time in my life to experience such a traumatizing experience. If there is any help, please I beg you, how do you treat a boil/pimple after it hasn't completely drained?? Should I just wait it out and continue to use my prescription? My doctor told me I didn't need a follow up for it, but I'm so worried I can't help it! Should I continue to apply a warm compress twice a day? What should I do?
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I can't wait to be able to sleep any position I want especially on my tummy. 10 days till due date.. I know I'll be able to sleep better whe. Babe is here eve with having the nightly feeding.
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i am new to these discussions but I do know how many of you feel. I have mentioned that I was diagnosed with mixed connective disease, lupus, fibromyalgia and who the hell knows what else. I can't work becuause if I sit to long, my legs start falling asleep. If I stand to long, my legs start aching. I feel exhausted all the time like when I wake up in the morning, I could just as easily go back to bed and sleep my entire life away. I wish there was something in a bottle that gave you energy. I miss my old life when I used to work out all the time and had enough energy for 10 people and then one morning I woke up and couldn't bend my leg back, it just wouldn't work so my family doctor sent me to a rheumatoidologist and he is the one that took all my blood from my body, that's what it feels like sometimes, and gave me the great news of having all these diseases but no medication seemed to work. I went to another rheumatoidologist and he put me on Lyrica which helps my upper joints but my legs were in such pain I felt like it was to much to even walk down the hall. Now along with my family doctor, my rheumatologist and my pain doctor, I take Lyrica for joint pain and oxycodone and fentenal patches for pain, especially when my mixed connective disease starts up, it just brings my systemic lupus to life and I get the butterfly rashes mostly on my upper arms which adds to my stress which makes my fibro flare up and gives me pain in my legs and then it just starts over. It seems to be a cycle especially when it's hot. I also start sweating like I was in a sauna all day just on my head and face. People look at me like did you know your sweating like a pig. It's embarrassing but I don't know what to do about that so I put ice on my head at night to keep my head cool so I won't start swearing. I've never had that problem before but only since these diseases came and decided to stop on my little doorstep. I am a true believer that stress can cause all sorts of bad things including diseases. I am just going to try to start yoga but I have to absolutely force myself to do this. I start next week. The worse thing I could have done 12 years ago when I was diagnosed with all this crap was to stop exercising.
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Here's a brief background and symptoms I've been having. I've been a migraine sufferer since my preteens. Mainly migraines with aura but also morning headaches etc. about 7 yrs ago I gained 40 lbs very quickly over a 1-2 yr period and was exhausted all the time. I went to pcp office and saw a dr other than my own. She commented on my weight gain like she was appalled and asked if I was depressed. I did not feel depressed just frustrated mostly. She did a tsh test and said it was normal. I was also having what I was told was possibly ibs (mostly d but also c) and have dealt with this for the past 7 yrs as well. Skip ahead a couple years I noticed a correlation between the ibs and eating gluten products. I visited with my dr and he had me get a celiac panel. The results came up negative. I should also mention I was eating gf before the test so wonder how that may have effected the results. Fall/winter 2011 I was extremely fatigued, sore joints, muscle aches, hard time falling and staying asleep, noticed cold bothering me more ( I live in New England) so in January I found a new dr near where I lived. He basically said that it may be seasonal affective disorder even tho I told him I really didn't feel depressed just exhausted. After basic bloodwork as well as tsh and the wrong vitamin d test he said all was normal, get some rest. All I could think was gee thanks. So I saw another dr shortly after who was great but he tested me for Lyme and lupus which were both neg and also the correct vit d test which showed I was at a 6 and severely deficient. After a few months 50000 iu and then continued 1000 iu daily with some results of less fatigue. A couple months ago I started to feel the extreme leg cramps again, joint pain especially in knees and wrist, extreme fatigue as well as new symptoms of ringing in ears, dry scaly skin that I can literally rub off. I have always lost a lot of hair with showering and brushing but it seems like more lately. I called my pcp and asked for another vit d test thinking it may be related. come to find out it was a 17 so not as low as before but still low. I've done a little research and I feel like it could be hypothyroidism but I am unsure exactly what I should request for tests from my dr. I don't want to waste money on something if it doesn't seem needed. Any advice would be greatly welcome. I am just tired of being tired and frustrated.
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i am almost done overcoming the damn flu and the next thing is that my heart beats fast i have to sit down for five minutes each time this crap is overrated and im damn tired of it. im 25 and my mom is sick also
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Did any mommies have nausea towards the end of their pregnancy? I didn't with my first but with this one. Its like my first trimester all over again.
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I have to believe that all of my worries and illnesses right now are somewhat peri related and I'm at my wit's end. I have a nasty sinus infection that I can't kick..I think I'm allergic to my cat and I'll have to give him up. I'm waiting on my period..it should be here..my head feels like it's going to pop off my body and I'm so anxious and all I can do is focus on the negative. I feel sick now all the time and I really am tired of it. So tired. I think my peri just makes everything else worse. This would be something I could handle years ago...now it's like every little thing is the end of the world. I want this to go away...I'm done with this change stuff.
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