Severe Depression/anxiety - Suicidal Thoughts
May 22, 2015
I am new to this site and have been having alot of issues as of late. About a year ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Even with medication I was having a hard time with life and due to this was let go from my job. I lost my medication when I lost my insurance. I began to spiral and crashed hard about a month ago. When I get depressed I become self destructive. I started drinking heavily, self harm mutilation, and had an affair with a stripper in which I received oral sex. When I sobered up a bit the guilt got to me so much I had to be hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I am on new medication (buspar, wellbutrin xl, and remeron) but still have an issue with guilt and anxiety about the affair and possible std I may have gotten. I can't stay out of my head and still have many suicidal thoughts. I broke down and let my wife know what happened, for her part she is mad but willing to work it out. Any advice would help. Also do any of my meds cause horrible stomach cramps?
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Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. I'm not being able to even hold a job right now. This makes my self esteem goes downhill and I can't get up of my bed because I fear people.
i'm a mid 30s woman and I'm not sure what made me become so sick. I have a string of failed relationships and in one of them I suffered domestic abuse. I started dating my current boyfriend as soon as my other relationship ended and had too many problems with him but we are still together. He is an ex addict and I'm always afraid he turns back to drinking and doing drugs.
sometimes I think I'm getting insane. I have panic attacks all the time, I can't process my feelings. I tried group meditation but I became too scared of people in general I just gave up. I'm locked home for a whole month now.
im truly thinking about ending my life. I don't see a point. My whole being is taken with these bad sensations, feelings, lack of hope, lack of control, my thoughts flow uncontrollable like a river and I just can't process anything. I'm getting old and I am a huge burden to everybody.
I don't wanna die. I wanted to know if anyone went through these hard times like me and was able to live again.
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Hi everyone, I'm new here and I've decided to post here because I don't know where to turn. I've been feeling suicidal because I have no social life, I'm behind in school and I switched to a charter school so that I could graduate faster but this only made my situation worse. On the first day of school I went to my class and I felt so overwhelmed by the amount of people in one class. After school I went crying to the principal because I knew that my social anxiety was never going to leave me alone no matter how much I tried. So she helped me by putting me in a small office with another teacher and another girl who has Social anxiety too but she rarely ever comes to school.
Today, I was alone all day because both the teacher and the other student didn't come. I felt so alone and I couldn't concentrate on my packets (school work) which is pretty typical because I've been having problems focusing in school since last school year. I told another staff member if I could stay home and do my work instead of coming to school because I just didn't like being alone and I couldn't concentrate but she said I couldn't do that because I had to come to school so that they get paid. Honestly I don't know what to do. I can't drop out of school , there are no online school services in my area, and I don't wanna go back to a regular public school because having 8 different classes a day was a nightmare to me last year.
My parents already know of my problems but they can't help me. Honestly I don't wanna go to school tomorrow because I'm just feeling so depressed and I can't take it anymore. my dad thinks I'm procrastinating. Honestly, he doesn't understand exactly how I feel. I feel like the whole world is falling on me and I feel like I'm never going to succeed in life, which is one of the things my dad himself told me.
I don't know what to do or where to turn to. I can't dropout of high school or take online school and I can't get medical help because my parents don't have health care.
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I'll just tell you a little about myself i'm female, 23 and unemployed. Took me a while to first go to the doctors, First diagnosed with depression n anxiety at around 18. Was very low in mood, constant worrying, staying indoors not wanting to go out or do anything. Through childhood and school, college n work always had difficulty in talking about my problems, issue's bottled things up never hardly spoke about how I was feeling and fitting in, socialising, relationships, exams etc was extremely hard found myself mixing with the wrong crowd a lot. Employed Since leaving school2008 till 2014. 2014 everything went downhill my behaviour was manic, erratic, obsessive and violent highs n lows lost my job, wrote off my brand new car under the influence, lots of debt, family troubles, getting into trouble with police, stealing much more things really could go on n on. Currently and the last two years have been horrendous withdrawn myself from the world stayed in bed days, weeks, months got sectioned diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety n psychosis disgusting place if anyone can relate...In there i was on lorazepam felt amazing was discharged but they couldn't prescribe me that at home so i went back down. irrational thoughts are destroying me. I've tried most types of AD meds most of them have had no effect or made me like a zombie. Been back to see my gp last week and started again on Sertraline 50mg increased to 100mg following week and she has give me beta blockers propranolol 40mg twice daily.
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At least i can admit that. Im suicidal. I have suicidal thoughts. I cut myself but not so i bleed just so it hurts. I've been suicidal since i was younger but not its worse. I isolate myself a lot. I'm never truly happy. I feel useless, unloved, hated ect. I'm sad a lot but pretend like nothing is wrong so i dont have to hear 5 or more speeches 20 minutes -1 hour long from my family to be treated the same way again in 3 weeks. Or be asked what's wrong only to lie. I don't have any true friends and no one will listen without giving me useless advice. So im pretty much here to ask if there's any online therapist sites that anyone can direct me to. I don't want my family to know. They found out once and it was like living in hell. They thought i was crazy, "helped", lied to me, treated me like i was mentally ill. It wasn't fun and i can't tell them the real reason i want to do it so that was fun. So if anyone can help me. Please don't say tell your mom because she can't and won't help, talk to the counselor at your school because all she did was made me cry for two hours straight, don't do it because i've heard that from friends, teachers, family and on here way too many times anything like that. I have trust issues so that's why I'm asking for online... It's easier for me.
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I am on a serious suicide path. I can't think straight. all I have are negative thoughts flowing through my head. I sitting here with a knife about to cut myself because there's no other way I can relive the pain. I don't know what I need right now. I need help I know that. I need a friend. I don't have friends. I have not a single person in my life that understands me in any way possible. I just want someone to listen and not criticize me. Or judge me. I am so tired of being judged. My head hurts so bad right now... everything hurts. There isn't anyone I can talk to...no one cares. Just someone please please help me before I do something dangerous to myself that can't be fixed. I don't want to hear a single "I'm sorry_______" because I know your not.
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My doctor wants me to take Gabapentin for some disc fragments giving me pain in my back. I'm worried because the side effects say that the side effects are depression or suicidal thoughts. Has anyone ever had these type of side effects or problems in general with this drug? Did it help them with their back pain!
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Experiencing negative thoughts, paranoid thoughts, and extreme anxiousness where I am focusing on dumb things. Do I stop taking it? I don't have a follow up doct apt for another 5 weeks
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I'm 17 and been suicidal for five years, i want to die all the time, preoccupation with suicidal thoughts has affected everything like my studies a sudden plummet in my academic score and physical health too, i only weigh 39 kg n im 5"3 tall girl. I want to die all the times i don't want to live Is this normal?
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I have and still do suffer from anxiety and depression. And recently have been having negative thoughts, things I shouldn't. I feel like such a terrible person because I know that's not me I couldn't hurt a fly. And I feel like i'm all alone, i'm ashamed of my own self, its worst when i'm alone it's like I get lost in my own mind and I hate it. I'm on medicine for my anxiety, and have a doctors appt coming up. Is this occurring because of my anxiety/depression? Am I the only one?
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I have suicidal thoughts every day, real vivid ones, I know where, when, how etc. sometimes I cry and I'm not sure why and when i start it can be hours till I've stopped completely, I don't mean all out bawling btw, just teary really, but that's the bad days most the time I feel fairly content, I can laugh and joke and go out with friends. I think I've lost my purpose in life I feel like I don't know why I'm here or what I'm meant to do but I don't feel what I imagine depression to feel like.
Throughout this though the good and bad I think of suicide every day like I said but every thought ends with me being found in time, ends with me being saved.
Do you think I need help and if so where do you go and what do you say? I'm not good at expressing myself or talking to people, none of friends or family know I feel this way. Is this normal ?
Do I just need to man up and get on with life?
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I'm 19 and was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attacks about 3 weeks ago and i got prescribed klonopin. anyways a week after i was diagnosed with depression i started feeling very down and not myself like i didn't even want to get up from bed or take showers or go out i just layed there and cried most of the time and had suicidal thoughts. so i finally decided to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression and given fluoxetine 20mg i been on it for about 4 days, but this medicine is making me feel really out of it and for the past two days i have woken up feeling very agitated and fidgety and sometimes i don't even feel like myself i've heard this is called depersonalization and it feels awful i also feel like i've gotten more angrier with the medication, things annoy me more easily. sometimes i just sit there and i just wanna scream. overall i think my anxiety has gone away its just the depression now and it sucks i just wanna feel like myself again and i'm scared i never will.
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I have ptsd following severe septic shock in 2013 with no memory of being in ICU for 5 days and then Sudden cardiac arrest 2 times this year, Now have pacemaker. Do not sleep well, startle at slightest noise, become agitated or angry at slightest provocation ,occasionally suicidal thoughts. What can I do ? No one seems to understand.
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Hi. For 6 weeks I've been going downhill with severe anxiety and depression. My questions is, how many of you have really, really severe anxiety with your depression? For me it is almost the worst because I can't sleep, at all, not even during the day. So I'm on tranquilisers at night. I literally feel terrified for my life, like I'm on death row. I just can't see it getting better, because I had a major breakdown 3 years ago which took over a year to recover from and at least then I wasn't already taking medication so the docs had a range of options. Now I'm already on Lexapro (since 3 years ago) and now the tranquilizers which i hate taking but otherwise I can't sleep at all. So where to go now? I know I analyse it all too much and should just have faith but I can't. i feel like my life is over. I have a lovely son and family and feel like everything is lost. For me, this is the biggest disaster that ever could've happened to me, having another breakdown. the last one was so awful I feel like I barely got out alive. And worst of all I'm haunted my memories not only of that breakdown but of my sister who took her own life 10 years ago due to mental health problems. I'm so, so terrified that I'll end up the same. It is hell.
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I feel like depression has a hold on my life, a really tight hold, and at this point I don't know what to do anymore. Its so severe that it has affected my way of living so much. I'm not the same girl I once was. I am hurting so much on the inside, even though I have to keep a strong face on for the world to see. I think that is where my anxiety comes into play. That and my ADHD. School has always been so so hard for me. That made me severely depressed starting in middle school. I could not understand why I was so bad at math. And I got mediocre grades/gpa because of my math problems. I was in Catholic school my whole life, and having to go to public high school was very hard for me. I was not used to that environment and was bullied and picked on. I know its really not a big deal, but I was only 14-15 and it really did affect me I feel. I was bullied about how ugly I was, how short i was, I was physically bullied and had stuff thrown at me in class all the time, teachers would do nothing (in fact one teacher even made it worse and chose the side of the bullies, aka the favorites of the class, and my school therapist at the time had to defend me). I would skip class to avoid my tormentors. My anxiety worsened because of this, my parents did nothing, made me stay at the same school, and I would have to hide, in the bathroom and the library, could not even have lunch. It was so hard for me. Now that I'm in college its amazing that I don't have to worry about any of that. People are so different, but I'm so depressed about the fact how hard math still is for me, and classes in general, and the fact I have no friends at all, none whatsoever. No matter how hard I try I feel like I lost my ability to socialize with people like I used to. For fear of being made fun of. I also don't want to be left (I have abandonment issues because of my dad leaving). So i figure there is no point in getting close to someone if they are just going to hurt and leave me. I feel like such a loser, I'm in my second year of community college and I don't even know what to do. I don't know how to drive (I had a very strict mom and stepdad, they never taught me how to drive, didn't want me driving) so by the time i was 18 i just kept putting it off I guess. I don't even have a job yet. I've been looking and its so hard to find. I feel like everyone is passing me by, and it really makes me feel like the biggest loser in the world. What hurts most is no one understands how severe my depression is, my mom thinks I just don't care and am "lazy" when in fact its the complete opposite. I want nothing more than to be better and healthy so I can move out of this house. I don't know what else to say besides I want help on how to get my life back on track. I'm on meds but I still feel terrible. My psychiatrist didn't prescribe me adderall even though she saw how severe my ADHD was, and felt it was more important to treat the "depression" which is stupid, because I'm just not depressed for no reason. Things cause depression and I feel my ADHD is a big cause of my depression. Anyway I'm rambling and don't know what else to say besides I really want advice, and hope I'm not the only one in this situation. I have no one to turn to.
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Well it's 3.51pm here in glasgow we are in the middle of a heat wave and i'm lying in bed typing this in the same shorts n shirt i've had on for over a week. I cnt b bothered going out don't want to see anyone not eating anymore either breakfasts lunch hardly shower. Have no enthusiasm for anything not interested in anything. My wife got so sick of me not knowing how to have fun or want anyone up to the house she left me now has a new partner only time i'm happy is seeing my kids but i'm even struggling to be fun for them now as well. I am sick of anti depressants they do not work i have tried them all and given them time to work if it wasn't for my 3 kids i wouldn't be writing this just now. I a have no qualifications haven't worked in over 7 years right now almost every night i just cry and cry. Ppl tell you you need to just get out their i look fat and ugly and cant hold a conversation i have no friends except my 3 kids who i try as hard as possible to hide this horrible depression from. They are the only 1 thing that i got right in my life. And i feel so so selfish knowing theirs homeless ppl and babies dying in foreign countries and i am whinging about this i just feel like if i died i would have about 3 or r 4 ppl at my funeral because i push everyone away. I have a poisoned brain its all negative thinking all the time i try to turn it into positives but cant. My emotions are everywhere just now 1 min i'm just numb ext min im at tears like i nearly am writing this i just want to enjoy life i am 32 years old I dnt even have any skills like how to play an instrument or anything are my kids going to think their dad's a loser? Its the only thing i'm good at is bringing up my kids and the love they give to me is the only thing that keeps me hangin in their. Im gonna stop now i'm just upsetting myself more.
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I'm 23 years old and I'm healthy. So they tell me but I suffer from extreme anxiety, hypochondria and depression for going on 6 years. Im at my breaking point. It completely controls and ruins my everyday life.
Lately, my whole life has been a whole anxiety attack. From the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. My life doesn't feel like it is a reality. I live in a fog. My heart races all day leaving me exhausted, I suffer from aches and pains and I always think of the impending doom that is coming to me in the coming seconds. Since I also suffer from hypochondria these things do not go well together. Anytime I feel brain fog or these feelings of Unreality I tell myself I have a brain tumor and I'm surely dying. Any pains it's a tumor or a blood clot. I convince myself that I'm dying and it causes anxiety. It's a never ending cycle and as of late has caused me to become very depressed. I can't even go to work in fear of an attack. The only time I feel safe is at home in my bed or when I'm asleep. I left work today on the verge of a mental breakdown. On the verge of admitting myself into the hospital. I am on an antidepressant every day and it doesn't seem to be doing its job. My depression is killing me. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't know much longer I can continue living this way.
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I have been on 30mg Mirt for over 3 years. It helped me sleep and all was fine. BUT I have put on 2 stone and cannot lose it. I went to my GP in June and asked how to come off it. He said to halve my dose for 2 weeks and if I felt ok to stop altogether. This I did. It was a disaster. Panic attacks, insomnia and suicidal thoughts. I Went right back on to my original dose and took a good month to stabilise.
In September I decided to try again, slowly. A new GP said that I was obviously unusually sensitive to this drug as she had never known anyone have a problem before.
Since then I have v gradually reduced down a quarter of a tablet every so often. About 4 weeks ago I was down to 7.5mg/day. I then started dropping off the tablets altogether. I am now on 7.5mg 4 nights a week.
I feel terrible. I was ok until the last 4 weeks. I feel shaky, hungover and nauseous all the time. I can't sleep and the nausea makes it worse. I have noticed that 4 days after dropping a dose I get terrible debilitating stomach cramps and a fearsome headache. This lasts for 24 hours and then leaves me with background nausea etc.
I would welcome advice as to whether to just keep on dropping the 7.5mg relatively quickly (every 2 or 3 weeks or so), or to wait until this awful state passes and then drop another and start feeling ill all over again. I just want it over with asap, but have to continue to work full time.
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I take Citalopram for anxiety/depression. This year I have had 2 chest infections that needed treating and was given Clarithromycin, 500mg twice a day. The latest chest infection was recently and I stopped taking the antibiotics 5 days ago. I have had some awful symptoms that I don't know what has caused. Shaking, increased anxiety and depression, loss of appetite, twitching muscles and weakness in legs. Balance problems. Heart Palpitations. Now I am having difficulty walking and it is really scaring me. I seem to remember having these side effects when I took these before but not so severe.
I would love to hear from anyone who has had a reaction like this and how long was it before you felt better.
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I've recently upped my dosage of paroxetine to 30 mg following the doctor's advice. I'm on day 6 of 30 mg and wondered how long it would take for me to get back to "normal". I was in 20mg but it suddenly stopped working 3 1/2 months ago and I had a suicidal episode. Since then I have been living in fear and am constantly in edge. I am a single mum to a 16m girl and I just want to get back to normal and be a good mum. Please help if anyone has any experience of upping their dosage!
I am scared of being on my own in case I have another episode like the one 3 months ago where I had to be taken to hospital. It was very traumatic and has ruined my life. I know I don't want to kill myself, I wouldn't do that to my daughter or family, I just get strong waves sometimes and feel exceptionally low. I know this has occurred because of a mess up of my medication, when weaning me off the tablets, the doctor I'll advised me to cut them in half. I now know this was a stupid thing to do. I just wondered how long it will take me to even out or if I'm ever going to get back to " normal"
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I am currently severely anxious about everything even things that haven't happened or may never happen i am suffering from really tight feelings in my throat like around my voice box is this caused by the anxiety? I can't help thinking i may have cancer i worry constantly it's driving me crazy.
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