Anxiety :: Social Phobia, Depression And Suicidal / Negative Thoughts

Sep 26, 2015

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. I'm not being able to even hold a job right now. This makes my self esteem goes downhill and I can't get up of my bed because I fear people.

i'm a mid 30s woman and I'm not sure what made me become so sick. I have a string of failed relationships and in one of them I suffered domestic abuse. I started dating my current boyfriend as soon as my other relationship ended and had too many problems with him but we are still together. He is an ex addict and I'm always afraid he turns back to drinking and doing drugs.

sometimes I think I'm getting insane. I have panic attacks all the time, I can't process my feelings. I tried group meditation but I became too scared of people in general I just gave up. I'm locked home for a whole month now.

im truly thinking about ending my life. I don't see a point. My whole being is taken with these bad sensations, feelings, lack of hope, lack of control, my thoughts flow uncontrollable like a river and I just can't process anything. I'm getting old and I am a huge burden to everybody.

I don't wanna die. I wanted to know if anyone went through these hard times like me and was able to live again.

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Depression :: Suicidal Negative Thoughts Flowing Through My Head

I am on a serious suicide path. I can't think straight. all I have are negative thoughts flowing through my head. I sitting here with a knife about to cut myself because there's no other way I can relive the pain. I don't know what I need right now. I need help I know that. I need a friend. I don't have friends. I have not a single person in my life that understands me in any way possible. I just want someone to listen and not criticize me. Or judge me. I am so tired of being judged. My head hurts so bad right now... everything hurts. There isn't anyone I can talk one cares. Just someone please please help me before I do something dangerous to myself that can't be fixed. I don't want to hear a single "I'm sorry_______" because I know your not.

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Severe Anxiety/depression :: Feeling Suicidal (no Social Life)

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I've decided to post here because I don't know where to turn. I've been feeling suicidal because I have no social life, I'm behind in school and I switched to a charter school so that I could graduate faster but this only made my situation worse. On the first day of school I went to my class and I felt so overwhelmed by the amount of people in one class. After school I went crying to the principal because I knew that my social anxiety was never going to leave me alone no matter how much I tried. So she helped me by putting me in a small office with another teacher and another girl who has Social anxiety too but she rarely ever comes to school.

Today, I was alone all day because both the teacher and the other student didn't come. I felt so alone and I couldn't concentrate on my packets (school work) which is pretty typical because I've been having problems focusing in school since last school year. I told another staff member if I could stay home and do my work instead of coming to school because I just didn't like being alone and I couldn't concentrate but she said I couldn't do that because I had to come to school so that they get paid. Honestly I don't know what to do. I can't drop out of school , there are no online school services in my area, and I don't wanna go back to a regular public school because having 8 different classes a day was a nightmare to me last year.

My parents already know of my problems but they can't help me. Honestly I don't wanna go to school tomorrow because I'm just feeling so depressed and I can't take it anymore. my dad thinks I'm procrastinating. Honestly, he doesn't understand exactly how I feel. I feel like the whole world is falling on me and I feel like I'm never going to succeed in life, which is one of the things my dad himself told me.

I don't know what to do or where to turn to. I can't dropout of high school or take online school and I can't get medical help because my parents don't have health care.

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Social Anxiety/ Negative Intrusive Thoughts

Ok, so just a short introduction about myself. I'm currently 25, I'm a male with chinese ethnicity. My nickname is Jas. I came from a pretty well-off family (enough to get me my needs and some of my wants) . I have a couple of caring but overprotective parents. I went through my entire "going-to-school" life with them. I graduated with a decent course and was successful in getting my professional licence. Life was really great that time for me, but i think I only felt that way because I was naive back then.

Anyway... As soon as I started working, I left home for good. I went into a different city and started to become an independent person. I was around 21-ish that time. This is when I became conscious of my behaviours and holes within myself. I think, a big part of this is due to me staying with my parents for a very long time, which probably delayed my maturity, but hey, let's not live in the past. Let's focus on what we have right now.

So when I started to become conscious with my own movements, I looked for ways to improve myself - I spent long hours in a day to reflect how my day went, how i behaved in front of other people, etc... When I started, it was really bad - i didn't know how to carry myself in public, people would most often laugh at me. One thing i noticed also is that I craved for attention - I was needy. I didn't know how to construct my thoughts properly. I didn't even know how to know what I feel for a certain scenario. I was really bad that time, trust me... If i write all of them here, this will be a VERY LONG list. Oh well, that was the past. But over time, I was able to get some of the negative traits out. I gained more control over myself now. But there are some that I can't get out:

1. Negative intrusive thoughts - thoughts of people laughing at me... thoughts of people bullying me. It's one that keeps on going my head OVER and OVER again. I have read some of the forums and took the advise to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. yeah it sure helped, but when i'm under pressure, i just lose control of myself. For example, one of the things i'm interested with is music... singing.. playing musical instruments. I could very well do those stuff if i'm alone, but if i'm in front of several people, thoughts like people laughing at me creeps into my mind, then i lose control with myself. I don't know why, but I'm so overwhelmed with my emotions, that I lose control of myself completely.

2. Social anxiety - Back then, I was really afraid of people. I don't know what to do in social gatherings (i was the one who sits in the corner and eats cheese). Soon, of course, i had to face my fear and had to start talking with people. I think i found some success in it. Although, my biggest problem right now i think is approaching groups. it's like i feel fear even before i do anything. I think my reasoning also break down quite easily when i'm under pressure (like for unexpected circumstances/responses...).

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Strattera For Severe Anxiety, Social Phobia And Depression

Has anyone had good results with Strattera, my doctor prescribed this for me approx. 3 weeks ago.  I suffer from severe anxiety, social phobia and dysthymia.

We have tried various anti-depressants.  The only one that really worked was serzone. Then it was taken off the market.

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Anxiety :: Negative / Suicidal Thoughts With Paxil?

Experiencing negative thoughts, paranoid thoughts, and extreme anxiousness where I am focusing on dumb things. Do I stop taking it? I don't have a follow up doct apt for another 5 weeks 

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Anxiety :: Preoccupation With Death / Suicidal Negative Thoughts

I'm 17 and been suicidal for  five years, i want to die all the time, preoccupation with suicidal thoughts has affected everything like my studies a sudden plummet in my academic score and physical health too, i only weigh 39 kg n im 5"3 tall girl. I want to die all the times i don't want to live Is this normal?

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Severe Depression/anxiety - Suicidal Thoughts

I am new to this site and have been having alot of issues as of late. About a year ago I was diagnosed with depression  and anxiety. Even with medication I was having a hard time with life and due to this was let go from my job. I lost my medication when I lost my insurance. I began to spiral and crashed hard about a month ago. When I get depressed I become self destructive. I started drinking heavily, self harm mutilation, and had an affair with a stripper in which I received oral sex. When I sobered up a bit the guilt got to me so much I had to be hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I am on new medication  (buspar, wellbutrin xl, and remeron) but still have an issue with guilt and anxiety about the affair and possible std I may have gotten. I can't stay out of my head and still have many suicidal thoughts. I broke down and let my wife know what happened, for her part she is mad but willing to work it out. Any advice would help. Also do any of my meds cause horrible stomach cramps?

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Anxiety And Depression - Negative Thoughts

I have and still do suffer from anxiety and depression. And recently have been having negative thoughts, things I shouldn't. I feel like such a terrible person because I know that's not me I couldn't hurt a fly. And I feel like i'm all alone, i'm ashamed of my own self, its worst when i'm alone it's like I get lost in my own mind and I hate it. I'm on medicine for my anxiety, and have a doctors appt coming up. Is this occurring because of my anxiety/depression? Am I the only one?

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Depression :: I Have Suicidal Thoughts

At least i can admit that. Im suicidal. I have suicidal thoughts. I cut myself but not so i bleed just so it hurts. I've been suicidal since i was younger but not its worse. I isolate myself a lot. I'm never truly happy. I feel useless, unloved, hated ect. I'm sad a lot but pretend like nothing is wrong so i dont have to hear 5 or more speeches 20 minutes -1 hour long from my family to be treated the same way again in 3 weeks. Or be asked what's wrong only to lie. I don't have any true friends and no one will listen without giving me useless advice. So im pretty much here to ask if there's any online therapist sites that anyone can direct me to. I don't want my family to know. They found out once and it was like living in hell. They thought i was crazy, "helped", lied to me, treated me like i was mentally ill. It wasn't fun and i can't tell them the real reason i want to do it so that was fun. So if anyone can help me. Please don't say tell your mom because she can't and won't help, talk to the counselor at your school because all she did was made me cry for two hours straight, don't do it because i've heard that from friends, teachers, family and on here way too many times anything like that. I have trust issues so that's why I'm asking for online... It's easier for me.

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Gabapentin :: Depression / Suicidal Thoughts - Side Effects?

My doctor wants me to take Gabapentin for some disc fragments giving me pain in my back. I'm worried because the side effects say that the side effects are depression or suicidal thoughts. Has anyone ever had these type of side effects or problems in general with this drug? Did it help them with their back pain!

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Depression :: Confusing Negative Thoughts

Today's been one of the best days in terms of how ive been feeling for a while....but then the negative thoughts started to come back no matter what I do i always end up being worst off (even if it's not 100% true or all the time) im trying not to have these thoughts as this is what started the depression initially in the first place,and I have a reakky good life for the most part,apart from alot of stress or alot of things going on.been taking one 5-htp for the past three nights to try and get to sleep,and had to take a proposal this morning to calm myself down.still have about another month before I see someone to sort all these confusing thoughts out.

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Zoloft + Lyrica For Social Anxiety / Depression?

I was prescribed Zoloft + Lyrica for my social anxiety/depression and was wondering if any of you guys has had any experience with one of them or both. but it would also be interesting to know your experience with other medication as well, so i know this is the right route to go to, i have gone to counselling and it hasn't helped so i thought i should go through the medication route.

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Depression :: Lonely And Continuous Negative Thoughts

Both of my children (19 and 21) left home last Sunday and went to live in the USA.  I've been a single parent for 10 years so now I am on my own after 22 years and I feel so desperately lost and worthless like there's no point in me being here anymore, my job is done.  I work for myself at home so I don't even go out apart from taking my dog for a walk.  I suffer from chronic back pain caused by a sporting injury many years ago for which I take Morphine and on its own I can normally cope with but coupled with this desperately lonely feeling I don't know if I can make it through another day.  I've searched the internet for professional help for my situation, but there doesn't seem to be anything available.  Should I go and see my GP (who barely knows me) or does anybody have any suggestions?  I just feel like a total failure and don't know who to turn to

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Sertraline Or Anxiety? Negative Thoughts

Does anyone know if Sertraline causes negative thoughts or is it because of my anxiety it just i'm not as depressed as before but can't get rid of these negative thoughts and I think it's that what's making me feel down been on 5g for 5 weeks then 100mg for a week

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Citalopram :: Waking Up With Anxiety And Negative Thoughts

I've been on 20mg for 16 weeks and upped to 30mg 3 weeks ago every morning I wake up I have high anxiety and negative thoughts this seems to ward off about 5pm has anyone had this problem and will it get better with time.

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Anxiety :: Excessive Negative Thoughts Of Death And Dying

For the past 3 months I have thoughts of death and dying, almost everyday I feel a choking feeling around my throat and neck area and I keep thinking that I would suffocate. It's gotten to the point where I panic on a daily basis thinking that I'm going to die.

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Anxiety :: Excessive Negative Thoughts / Overwhelming Bad Memories

I have had anxiety issues since I was a kid but this last year or two has been the worst it's ever been for me. I find myself always reverting back to my negative thinking ways. I haven't seen a therapist or a professional because frankly I can't afford it and I always end up chickening out when I do find a somewhat affordable place. 

I've been researching alot about different anxiety disorders and I'm most relatable to that of OCD and I definitely feel I have depression as well. I'm sorry if my post is a little excessive but I find that even writing it all down, gives me some relief of all the stress I feel. I would really love any feedback and any type of help you could all give me. 

I am constantly making myself feel like I'm a bad person. I have a lot of negative thoughts running through my mind on a daily basis. I will bring up bad memories from the past of things that I did wrong or when I had made bad judgements. It's really hard for me to try and move on from past mistakes. I am always saying in my head, "I should of did this" and "why didn't I do that instead." I beat myself up over things I can't change. I notice that anytime there is something that is going good for me, I will find reasons why I don't deserve it or why I'm not worthy of having it in my life. 

I also have panic attacks when driving alone. I always worry that I hit someone or something and didn't realize it or notice. I turn the radio down real low so that I can hear every noise just in case. I get so nervous and worried that I will check my car a bunch of times just to see if there's any type of damage or difference. I think the worst if I feel a bump or hear any type of ding. 

I think the biggest thing that triggers my anxiety disorder is my fear of how people perceive me to be. I really need reassurance from others in order to feel like I'm doing things right or that I'm a good person. Everything I do or say in front of people, I analyze. I try and figure out what they are thinking and how they are judging me. I just want everyone To like me and think I'm a good person. I try to relate to everyone so that they have a positive view of me. I am always in fear of people getting the wrong idea or misinterpreting something I said and in doing so, they think I'm a terrible person.  

I also get really stressed out whenever I go into stores because I get worried that the people working there will think me or the person I'm with is trying to shoplift. I will as far as buying something I don't even really want just so that they don't think I went there just to steal something. 

When leaving the house, I go over everything  in my head and if I'm not sure whether I locked, shut or turned something off before I left, I worry the entire time something will happen to my dogs while I'm away because of it. Like if I don't make it apparent that I checked all candles were blown out, then I will just worry that my house will burn down with my dogs in it......

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Anxiety :: Negative Thoughts And Self Doubts About Life Choices

All throughout my life I have had good opportunities that I have thrown away because of how I felt at the time, jobs, women, holidays etc etc I threw them all away because of my negative thoughts and self doubts... And its here again, i think!

I currently have a job that is very comfortable, money is good, not too far away from home and its easy to do... Its just boring as hell! Today I spent 2 hours doing nothing at all, and that's not me, Im not that type of person. Sure I kick back for half an hour after a busy spell but I actually like to be busy.

Anyway, I have been offered another job by my old boss. We get on great and its a very interesting, challenging job also the same money. 

So whats the problem? The new job is three times further away than my current job which is still only 24 miles in total. I was up for the challenge this morning and very positive about it but as the day has gone on I have worn myself out with worry. I cant seem to shake the fact that, in my mind, its just too far away. It will be a 52 mile round trip and about an hours commute.

All I can think is that it is too far, will cost too much and that I will end up fed up and depressed. I will be all anxious at home  etc etc and then have to quit and let down my boss and probably ruin our friendship.

I know there is an element of thinking over a new job and is it worth it but why can't I think of all the good things about it.

I have done this so many times in my life and end up not following through with things because it makes me worry too much. Like its safer to stay bored than challenge myself. I don't know what to do!

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Anxiety :: Negative Thoughts - No Friends, No One To Talk To And Practically No Life

Over the past 3 years I've practically shut myself out of every social situation I can think of, not because of fear but because I'd rather be playing video games. Over the course of those 3 years I've lost all my friends and postponed school, work, and relationships. Coming to this point where I realize what I've done I became anxious, no friends, no one to talk to, no school, and practically no life. I'm not sure what to do at this point. When I leave my home i'm always alone with nobody to talk to and it makes me really self conscious, I'm always worried about what people think of me and when people laugh or smile around me I assume it's because of something to do with me, I feel like I no longer have the social skills I use to, I remember always being easily able to talk to anybody and be social and enjoy my time with whoever I meet and make sure to leave a great impression but now no matter who I talk to I just feel like a huge loser who is just wasting their time or just someone who they'll talk to their friends and laugh about later over something I said or did. Aside from that, I get anxious thinking to much considering the fact that I have no one to talk to I just think about nonsense, things that never happened like horrible images in my head that just make me uncomfortable and just worsen my anxiety and make it harder to do anything at all and I just find myself stuck on these ridiculous ideas and things that could potentially happen to me when I know full well they wont and never have but I still feel like I'm purposely torturing myself with things that just aren't true and I cannot figure out why. 

Right now I've got another month to wait before I begin school again and hopefully start getting my life back together and In the meantime i have picked up some sports but I really feel like I am just so lost and afraid and I have no idea what to do, whenever i go out to do anything i'm just worried anxious and it heavily impairs whatever I try to do and makes it harder because I'm afraid of looking foolish.

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Stress / Anxiety :: Repetitive Negative Thoughts (toxic Relationship With Husband)

Okay so, I'm 20. Um okay so, i keep having thoughts about my ex.. Me and him have been in a very toxic relationship for years since high school and I feel as though it was just so toxic that it didn't allow us to grow or to really be who we truly are.. But.. Yeah we weren't together anymore and all he wants now is just sex from me.. And I'm so attached I dream about him with other girls and I constantly think about the arguments we had things he has said things I have said just constantly playing back things and now I'm starting to talk to myself like I my head I'm starting to be nicer to myself and allowing those thoughts to just come and go and I am constantly forgiving myself and telling myself that I cannot control any of those situations and I tell myself that or worrying and overthinking will not resolve anything but just makes matters worse... And I have repetitive thoughts about anything that I feel so insecure about, I've started praying and asking God to help me.. Is there anything else I can do? I've also started meditating I don't do much like I just started getting back into school consistently everything that I do is inconstant. Everything so I'm starting to be better at things

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